16 replies to this topic

[Rhuen]

Comic books can do some weird shit sometimes, often not knowing apparently they are doing it (or being total bastard writers and artists and doing it anyway)

to start this WTF? fest off is

8 most awkward sexual moments in comic books

http://www.cracked.c...user4=yesincite

in case you don't want to follow the link right away here is what is inside (all canon by the way)

8: Bat-man Superman tentacle sex

7: Iron-man's obsessive/abusive mechanical boyfriend.

6: Jean Grey convinces Cyclops and Emma Frost to make out on her grave.

5: Wolverine tries to bang a teenage girl (hey he was born in the 1800's, so if vampires can do it....) after switching bodies with Spider-man.

4: Lois Lane and Lana Lang try to brainwash a baby super-man into loving them.

3: Green Lantern dates a 13 year old.

2: Super-man wants to marry his teenage cousin.

1: Nightcrawler dates his sister

[TheUnknowable]

At least most of them seem to be the result of weird reboots.

[Rhuen]

Some,

here are 6 creepiest sexual encounters in comic books

http://www.cracked.c...user4=yesincite

6: Angel and Husk have sex in the air, in broad daylight above Angel's mom's house while she is home and other X-men are below watching.

5: Robin and Wonder-Girl make out in the juice of a dead clone attempt of Super-boy

4: Robin wants to have sex with his step-sister / (they were raised together)
-its an alt-verse Robin and Huntress.

3: Super-man marries Lois Lane (keeps her locked up and doesn't tell her his secret identity...in other words it was the 50's)

2: Tarantula (Heroine) rapes Nightwing.

1: Ant-man has sex with his dead best friend's girlfriend on said dead BF's grave.

[Rhuen]

Moving away from sex we have brutal violance.

6 most brutal murders commited by Bat-man
http://www.cracked.c...-by-batman.html

6: Hanging a mental patient from the bat-plane

5: Crushes people to death under piles of heavy junk

4: Racist Bat-man kills asian people with out remorse or hesitation (WWII era comics)

3: Pushes people into swords (you can't call accident when you keep doing it Bat-man)

2: Starves a man to death

1: Intentionally leaves some folks to burn to death while he gets laid

[Plague]

The hero gotham deserves, fo sho.

[Rhuen]

Misguided comic book adaptations.

 

http://www.cracked.c...daptations.html

 

5: Star Wars comic made before the movies came out

 

4: Sexy Thundercats comic (Wilykit is Mummra's sex slave)

 

3: Sexy Lost in Space comic (basically soft core alien porn)

 

2: Street Fighter II comic so stupid Capcom asked them to stop.

 

1: 2001 a Space Odyssey(really just the name alone tells you this was a bad idea. Throw in some demons and shit and you get WTF???)

[Rhuen]

7 most offensive adaptations of comic books. (AKA why DC is really gunshy about making super-hero movies and show plus some other stuff.)

 

http://www.cracked.c...user4=yesincite

 

7: Legends of the SuperHeroes (okay so take the Justice League, make a lighter cartoon version called Super Friends and then try to do two pilot movies based on the cartoon and add sitcom elements. Also be racist)

 

6: Archie tv show pilot movie (be thankful it didn't catch on, because its them as depressed adults)

 

5: Coming out of their Shells (its that live concert Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles thing)

 

4: Justice League of America (a second attempt at a pilot movie for the Justice League, only minus the big heroes, really poor budget, crappy costumes, and so bad its never aired in the USA)

 

3: Spider-man (1970's live action show. Poor effects, and only 3 Spider-man characters in the entire run of the show, Spider-man, Aunt-May, J Jonah Jameson. So basically Spider-man beating up random thugs and bad karate . Lets put it this way Stan lee didn't like this show, but he did like the Japanese Spider-man where Spider-man commands a giant robot.)

 

2: Super-man musical (Need I say more?)

 

1: Generation-X (live tv show, another attempt at a pilot for a tv show that didn't work out for Marvel)

[Rhuen]

7 biggest superhero dick moves.

http://www.cracked.c...uperheroes.html

 

7: Green Lantern had a sidekick, and was racist towards him

 

6: Super-man's treatment of Super-girl in the early comics...like forcing her to stay at an abandoned orphanage by herself to train for years, and exiling her to an asteroid when she reveals herself to his dog. Different times my ass, but Super-man was psycho back then.

-oh also he made out with his cousin.

 

5: Charles Xavier liked to troll the X-men (yes his early days were like this)

 

4: Bat-man slaps Robin, erases his memory, and sends him back to the Orphanage

 

3: Justice League of America recruits its first female super-hero, the powerful Amazon Wonder-woman, and makes her their secretary.

 

2: Reed Richards endagers lives on a regular basis, and that was how it all started.

 

1: Super-man adopts Jimmy Olsen, is a total dick the whole time.

[Rhuen]

Superman was a dick in the early comics (or at least the writers who originally made him seem to have hinted that he had a serious god complex and psychotic problems) hell we've already seen him macking on his cousin.

 

http://www.cracked.c...to-be-dick.html

 

5: Destroys a poor neighborhood because he believes this is what causes crime, forcing the city to build better neighborhoods (never mind that the poor people are now homeless and can't afford the new houses, or had time to leave or take anything before he went all Hurrican Katrina on their asses...also threatened to kill some kids and stuff)

 

4: Forces shareholders to watch as he destroys their oil well and fights off the innocent workers trying to defend their livelyhood.

 

3: Rats out a chaingang torture victim so he can get the torture on tape to get the warden arrested. You know instead of anything else that wouldn't get a man beaten with a bullwhip. which was all pointless as he later gets a confession out of the warden by threatning to kill him.

 

2: drugs an innocent man and performs identity theft. Which includes serious injury to other people and putting the kidnapped man's life in danger with thugs ect...all to catch a crooked coach and play football.

 

1: declares war on cars

[Rhuen]

The PSA, public service announcement. You don't see them like you used too (especially with comics, who only will usually diverge to none cannon for patriotic holiday issues and various cancer awarness stuff)

 

No back in the day you'd have things like Pee Wee Herman talk about crack and The Dinosaurs devote an entire episode to Steroid abuse *by that time it had become so prevelent that this show kind of made a joke about the existence of such specials at the end*

 

So here are super-heroes used in really bad ways for PSA

 

http://www.cracked.c...uperheroes.html

 

6: Spider-man tries to stop teens from having unprotected sex.

 

5: Captain America fights Asthma

 

4: Bat-girl refuses to help batman (from a death trap) until he agrees to pay equality for women

 

3: Super-girl tackles driving safety, in a very asanine way, but at least its better than what superman did (wage war on cars and destroy millions in property)

 

2: Captain Planet wants you to stop reproducing, because you know, there just being a bunch of people can cause problems (yeah the food and living space stuff is real, but why the fuck would buildings just start falling apart? Subetly is not for Captain planet). Also talking rats.

 

1: Jean Grey psychically tortures a bunch of kids who had been torturing animals by making them mentally experience everything those animals went through being tortured.

[Unseelie Sluagh]

This is awesome! Thanks! LOL!

[Rhuen]

you're welcome

 

5 insane gritty reboots that made the characters ridiculous.

http://www.cracked.c...user4=yesincite

 

5: Wonder-Dog (that pointless dog with a greencape with the two pointless none-super powered kids that followed the super friends around)

-changed into a trojan horse of pure hellish terror to get into Titan Tower.

 

4: A dark edgy shoots people with giant guns and has a huge beard alt-future Superman.

 

3: Iron-man became a politician, many comics were walls of diologue and secret agendas.

 

2: turn Spider-man into a 60 year old man with no witty banter and totally depressed, because he killed Mary Jane by giving her cancer thanks to his radioactive semen...and its not treated as a what-if parody; dead serious.

 

1: Speedball: a forgetable goofy c-lister in marvel, becomes a dark psychopath.

[Rhuen]

6  hilariously failed attempts at comics trying to be diverse (note some of these heroes actually did go on to become great heroes, after some time, just when first written, the writers were clearly older white guys with little to no experience outside of movies and television *also made by other old white guys with little to no experience with other ethnicities*

 

http://www.cracked.c...re-diverse.html

 

6: Vibe: DC comics: Hispanic superhero who spends more time breakdancing than crime fighting and perpetuating other hispanic steriotypes.

 

5: John Stewart (Green Lantern): DC Comics: while a respected superhero today, when first introduced this character spent more time reminding people he was black than anything else and representing several steriotypes of what the writers thought a strong black man was supposed to be.

 

4: Brother Voodoo: Marvel comics: Well educated Hatian man returns to Haiti and decides to avenge his brother's death at the hands of voodoo by becoming a voodoo priest or something. Also does alot of weird things like possess a white woman with his brother's ghost to make her fall in love with him and have sex with him...creepy on two levels.

-Brother Voodoo is currently the Sorcerer Supreme, replacing Dr. Strange for the role. So he did come up in the world.

 

3: Connor Hawke: DC comics: a mixed race and subtle gay Green Arrow, never heard of him? I hadn't either.Well the thing is this is Green Arrow's son, who thanks to his mother's side is a mix of pretty much every ethnicity on Earth, which gives him dark skin, blond hair, an asian eyes. Also he is bisexual. This would be the 90's trying to be diverse.

 

2: Dr Fate (number 2): DC comics: so the original Dr. Fate dies in 1980, so is then replaced by this Dr. Fate (who would be removed from continuity come the DC universe reboot like three years later), but for this short time Dr. Fate was a man and woman who merged together to become Dr. Fate. The body would even shift between male and female as different parts of the mind took control, apparently at random, and Dr. Fate viewed its self as genderless so which form didn't matter.

-it gets creepier, the woman is Linda Strauss who is in her thirties, the man...is a boy, Eric a ten year old kid who is her stepson and she was attracted to before all this mess. Who is turned into a grown man by Nabu (the spirit in the helmet), at which point Lina and Eric have sex. So...there is that, 

 

1: Extrano: DC comics: Openly gay sorcerer with HIV

[Rhuen]

Forget cracked I can find suitable nightmare fuel myself

 

X-men spidergoddess sex, several x-men forced to be audience

http://www.comicsbul...1129/herc8b.jpg

[Rhuen]

more proof that Bat-man is an asshole with a bad hiring policy.

http://www.cracked.c...-bad-at-hiring/

 

1: Bat-man kidnapped two of the Robins: no otherway of putting that, he up and kidnapped these kids.

 

2: while recovering from a grevious injury Bat-man gives the bat-man title and job to a brainwashed lunatic.

 

3: Asks Two-Face to be the next Bat-man.

[Rhuen]

5 Insane foreign versions of iconic characters in comic books

http://www.cracked.c...ign-comics.html

 

1: Robin and Bat-man: Spain: Robin is the star, totally hates Asians and kills people with blunt objects and machine guns.

 

2: Bat-man and Robin: Japan: supernatural stuff, coming back to life, shapeshifting, and weird versions of American villains.

 

3: Super Mario Brothers: Germany: Mario has adventures in HELL!

 

4: Mega-Man: Brazil: Apparently trying to be Japanese and yet in a way no actual Japanese Mega-man was, we have pervert robots and Roll is a grown woman who is naked most of the time. Also incest.

 

5: Spider-man: Japan, manga versions: A manga version of Spider-man has him basically a pervert and suffering some serious psychotic episodes.

[Rhuen]

the one shot knock-off of Superman who was an even bigger dick than superman

http://www.cracked.c...old-was-ripoff/