[Sazza]

OK, so my brother looked through my phone as I slept and stole dad's number out of it.
He phoned him in a pub (Legal drinking age is 18 btw, Duncan is 16) and starting talking to him. Drunk he was but asked about the history of the MacLennan's, so dad told him that we've moved around so much so he could give us better life and got promotions that offered better pay cheques. So he'd leave his friends and start a new somewhere else to give his family a better chance. Mam started an affair when he was one years old. He didn't like the truth but listened anyway. Dad told him after 15 minutes he'd prefer to continue this conversation in person one day and Duncan agreed, they said goodbye and hung up.

I got the strangest voice mail ever not being aware of the situation as I was working "Hi Sarah it's dad, listen your bro just phoned... Call me?" I didn't know what to say, so I phoned him. It sounded positive and I spoke to my Ste-Mam also, so it was nice for me to hear her again :) I thought it was brilliant that things where working out and the family may not be together but were being civil.

Duncan got home drunk, I greeted him and he greeted me with the words "I'm gunna smash his fuckin heed in" He wanted to know when he was up to kick him in. Mam also wants to do something like this. Just when I thought things had made themselves right my brother just wanted to be violent.

I take all my phone calls in private which is at work, in my room, outside the flat, anywhere where that it doesn't get noticed. It took me two months to tell mam I was speaking to him as I didn't want to hurt her, even longer for my brother. Mam's adopted being patronizing, sarcastic, rude and bitter toward me when she mentions him e.g. "Just how IS your daddy dearest???" "If he's so cool why not stay with him?" etc etc. I get she's jealous and maybe scared I'm going to live with him and leave. She knows I want to move out before the year is done anyway but now she reckons it's because of him. I get why she could be bitter but he beat me up as well. I just learned how to forgive and forget. I just hate how she's punishing me for speaking to him. They split over a decade ago, why continue this bitterness as if she split with him yesterday? I learned how to be happy whilst her and Duncan continue to be angry with everything, maybe they hate that? Maybe they hate that I moved on with life and I m happy and settled with a job, education, some money, maybe she doesn't like that I grew up and don't need her much anymore?

It sucks.

[Hacker]

Even though my second ex wife and I have been apart for a decade, she's still very bitter about it. It's only rarely that she complies with the visitation order she is under, and when she does comply she calls and guilt trips our daughter into coming home early.

There's no sense in it. She's only hurting our daughter. Well, me too as I love to spend time with her, but I've got broad shoulders.

I just wish someone would find that sack of shit attractive, bang the shit out of her, and make her forget about being mad at me.

[Ibiza]

Sazza, on Jul 17 2009, 06:25 PM, said:

OK, so my brother looked through my phone as I slept and stole dad's number out of it.
He phoned him in a pub (Legal drinking age is 18 btw, Duncan is 16) and starting talking to him. Drunk he was but asked about the history of the MacLennan's, so dad told him that we've moved around so much so he could give us better life and got promotions that offered better pay cheques. So he'd leave his friends and start a new somewhere else to give his family a better chance. Mam started an affair when he was one years old. He didn't like the truth but listened anyway. Dad told him after 15 minutes he'd prefer to continue this conversation in person one day and Duncan agreed, they said goodbye and hung up.

I got the strangest voice mail ever not being aware of the situation as I was working "Hi Sarah it's dad, listen your bro just phoned... Call me?" I didn't know what to say, so I phoned him. It sounded positive and I spoke to my Ste-Mam also, so it was nice for me to hear her again :) I thought it was brilliant that things where working out and the family may not be together but were being civil.

Duncan got home drunk, I greeted him and he greeted me with the words "I'm gunna smash his fuckin heed in" He wanted to know when he was up to kick him in. Mam also wants to do something like this. Just when I thought things had made themselves right my brother just wanted to be violent.

I take all my phone calls in private which is at work, in my room, outside the flat, anywhere where that it doesn't get noticed. It took me two months to tell mam I was speaking to him as I didn't want to hurt her, even longer for my brother. Mam's adopted being patronizing, sarcastic, rude and bitter toward me when she mentions him e.g. "Just how IS your daddy dearest???" "If he's so cool why not stay with him?" etc etc. I get she's jealous and maybe scared I'm going to live with him and leave. She knows I want to move out before the year is done anyway but now she reckons it's because of him. I get why she could be bitter but he beat me up as well. I just learned how to forgive and forget. I just hate how she's punishing me for speaking to him. They split over a decade ago, why continue this bitterness as if she split with him yesterday? I learned how to be happy whilst her and Duncan continue to be angry with everything, maybe they hate that? Maybe they hate that I moved on with life and I m happy and settled with a job, education, some money, maybe she doesn't like that I grew up and don't need her much anymore?

It sucks.

my step father beat me as a child (actually up until i turned 18) but unlike you, i havnt learned to forget, i moved out when i was 18, went from house to house for a while until i found my current bf, but LIKE you (in a way anyhow) my mother hasnt forgivn me for moving out (she pretends the abuse didnt happen and feels like by moving out *and* refusing to speak to my step dad) i have torn her family apart. (he has started hurting my sister as well and i have made calls to cps and in fact incouraged her to get imancipated and come live with me). Our situation may very but the fact is this:
Parents no matter what, are human beings, and intitled to be ridiculously emotional and not making sence.
All you can do here is let your mom feel the way she does, assure her you love her, and live you own life, no matter how she (or your brother or father) feel about it.

[fowlerp]

There is so much hurt in the world without those who you love hurting you. Makes me sad that there is not enough love and hugs to go around.
Just remember you are in control of your own destiny - and from the outside you have a great life ahead of you!

[Ibiza]

fowlerp, on Jul 17 2009, 08:33 PM, said:

There is so much hurt in the world without those who you love hurting you. Makes me sad that there is not enough love and hugs to go around.
Just remember you are in control of your own destiny - and from the outside you have a great life ahead of you!

i think a hug from holiday is in order =^.^=

[CultHero]

Some wounds run deep. It took my mom years to start hating my dad and he used that against her and screwed her over every chance he could. She's only recently figured out just what a narcissistic bastard he really is.

My brother and sister are lukewarm when it comes to him, they felt more hurt and betrayed than I did, I never did like the bastard.

It's great that you and your dad are mending fences but it could take your mom and brother a lot longer to do so, if ever. It's obvious your brother has anger issues and they probably stem from both living in a toxic environment while your parents were together and the betrayal he felt after your dad left.

It wouldn't be a bad idea for your mom and brother to try counseling to try and help them get over the hurt that's still eating away at them. They need to learn to let their pain go or it's going to eat them alive.

[Sazza]

The won't go to counseling as they don't think they have a problem, I have discussed that with them then gotten abuse for suggesting it. My Mam left my dad so I'd expect it to be Mam he would be upset with as when they split we lived with our father for a year and saw Mam like 2 times a week...

I dunno, the whole situation is fucking irritating.

On another note Duncan got arrested an hour ago. Don't ask me what for I have no idea and I don't think it's because he assaulted and knocked me out something to do with vandalism and he was caught on CCTV.

[Innanna]

Family: The ties that bound and gag.

[Sazza]

Yes Innanna. I agree with that.

[Innanna]

I think the picture Silver has of family is appropriate here.

[Sazza]

She has a picture?

[Eirian]

Saz you answered all your own questions in your first post.

I cant add more other than a big hug for being so awesome.

Oh and your bro is stuck in victim mode... clearly

[Sazza]

I know I did, I think I just needed to rant as it's something I don't do a lot. If I put my thoughts down on paper so to speak they won't irritate my head or I'll piss myself off at work as when I go for a ciggy I always sit in the skip area (there are 2 skips, a smokers shelter with chairs, chairs and tables for outside... like a huge shed really) I'll just end up going into thought again.

I'm being awesome?

Yes he is... He needs to snap out of it as he's already messed up the Army but getting into trouble with the cops could mess up his job.

[Bright One]

You deserve better than this, I wish you the best.

[Eirian]

I wasnt saying dont rant. Just that I had no answers for you because you already know the answers yourself. That is all.

And you are awesome all the time. You are an awesome person and you shouldnt forget that.

Your brother needs to wake up to himself and most of the time it takes an event to do that, hopefully his event wont be too harsh but enough to really knock some sense into him...

Plus he is still a kid and he is dealing with adult issues in a kids brain.

This post has been edited by eirian: 18 July 2009 - 10:08 AM

[Vore]

You are the best thing you mother ever played a part in creating.

A shame she doesn't seem to realise this.

[Sazza]

So Mother and I had a heated argument...
Apparently I need the counseling haha.

I sent her a text:
"The thing is I want to talk to dad despite how you and Duncan feel, I am entitled to do so. I get why you two hate him but you forget I lived through it too but I learned to forgive, forget, and move on and get on with life. I'd suggest you and Duncan spoke to a counselor as you both have major anger issues to be dealt with, possibly suppressed emotions but I feel like I am the one getting punished for speaking to my father with the attitudes you two have been showing me, intentional or not it's pissing me off. I'm already moving out because of Duncan don't make me add another thing to this list."

Ways to make yourself unpopular in the household.
Also to have your brother charged with the assault of Sarah-Louise Takahashi and knocking her out :D

[Vore]

Your brother is a huge dumbass and the further you can get from his disaster area the better! *hugs*

This thursday!!!!"!!!! Whoooooooooo

[Robin]

Go live with your dad then. strengthen that relationship if you can and you may be able to understand it further by looking at everything from every angle. Though from the wy you talk, it is not you who does not understand.
I still say go live with him and spend time with him if you can.

[Poison Ivy]

We all make mistakes via choices. Everyone has their reasons for choices.
There is more than one side to every story.
Sounds like your mom and bro can only see their own side and can't get past the hurt.
They want you to hate because they hate and hurt...they feel you owe it to them and don't understand why you choose to be above it.

Sometimes emotions blind us to the truth in life.
No one is perfect. But taking a bad situation and making it into a learning experience...turning it into something positive, like you have Saz....IS the healthiest and most mentally sound way to deal with all the crap in life.

Give yourself props for being a better human being than most who let their emotions and pain ruin their lives.