Introduction:

Her chest lifted up, her body undulating with a snake-like rhythm. Her fingers gripping the leather sofa, her eyes motioned for him to come closer. It seemed her whole body yawned for him. Craved him. The veil of temptation was too much for Trent, who felt his limbs become weak, his desires become savage. He trembled under the hold of those filthy green eyes. Her hands were positioned behind her back, holding her body upright, making her breasts seem to burst out of her shirt. One of her legs was laid straight pressed to the sofa, the other was bent upright and beginning to open for him. A sliver of red was revealed between her legs, her panties peeking out at him. He licked his lips… his teeth…

“Man, Ecstasy’s a hell of a drug…” he mused with a grin as he walked towards the sofa. She rolled her head back letting out a moan.

Chapter One: (Earlier that night)


The room was lit up with red light, dozens of bodies moving in between flashes of the strobes. It was the biggest party of the year and he was indifferent.

“Champagne Sir?” A voice spoke out in a fake English accent. It was one of the waiters hired for the party holding a silver tray full of expensive glassware. Trent waved his hand turning the drink down. He gave a thought to why he was here with all these mindless people, so absorbed in their materialistic, meaningless lives. These people hardly interested him, he wondered why they did Jack? He quickly flashed a smile as he saw Jack moving through the crowd towards him.

“Trent! You piece of shit,” Jack laughed, slapping Trent on the back, “You’ve finally decided to grace me with your presence.” Jack stood a good five inches over Trent. He had bright, good-natured eyes despite his occupation, the kind of eyes you’d see on a puppy dog. He puffed on his cigar, blowing the smoke over Trent’s shoulder.

“Well I was getting a little sick of you badgering me Jack, I thought I’d see what all the fuss what about.” Trent replied, his voice soft and composed.

“Why, you really must come work with me my boy. I invited you here so you could take a look around and meet some of the people I’ve invested my time and money in. Think about it carefully my boy, do you want to live the rest of life in the shadows or the spotlight?” Jack raised his eyebrows sincerely. Trent raised his eyebrows back, mocking him playfully. Jack’s belly rose with laughter. He pinched the boy’s cheek and disappeared into the crowd. Trent shook his head and decided to explore Jack’s party. He took an empty seat at the bar, his eyes moving over the crowd. There were two men in a corner dressed up in lavish business suits with bright handkerchiefs sticking out of their pockets conversing with a topless woman. From what he could pick up from the conversation they owned a strip club. He quickly became bored and turned his attention toward the dance floor where there were masses of scantily clad women dancing. They glistened with sweat, limbs coiling around each other, grinding to the music.

A young raven haired girl caught his eye, she was dancing up against a blonde haired girl at the edge of mass, the tiny pink dress she wore was far too small for her body. Her forgiving curves a devilish illusion, since he was sure the girl was no more than seventeen years of age. Her pale white flesh seemed to glow in the red light. The blonde woman put her fingers to the Raven haired girl’s lips. Trent squinted to see two small pills being placed on the young girl’s tongue. The Raven-haired girl dropped her head back and swallowed the pills, her arms around the Blonde’s neck. Her eyes caught his gaze and he snapped out of the trance, pretending to look down at his shoes. She let go of the Blonde girl and began to glide through the crowd towards him. She stood beside him at the bar, took his face in her hands, and pressed a pink stiletto to his thigh.

“Wanna go upstairs?” she purred at Trent through small heart-shaped lips. He fumbled to respond, but before he had the chance she was grasping his wrists, pulling him towards a spiral staircase.

You tease :P
*pokes*

nice stuff, just need to replace ya digital camera and make this an illustrated story...

lol. what do you guys think though, any suggestions for improvement?

Chapter Two (The Raven-Haired Girl)



The room was one of many which inhabited the second floor of the mansion. It was dark, lit only by the moonlight cascading in through the window. Trent moved towards the sofa where the Raven-haired girl lay. Her long manicured fingers reached out and seized his leather jacket, pulling him on top of her. Her eyelids were heavy, he couldn’t decide weather it made her appear sultry or stoned. It didn’t matter. He quickly wrestled the jacket off and tossed it over his shoulder. She threw her arms back over the edge of the sofa and thrust her hips forward. Trent was maddened with lust for her. He gathered her long silky hair in one hand and guided her roughly until she was positioned on her hands and knees in front of him. She gasped as he reached down between her legs and shimmied the tiny red panties down until they sat comfortably at her knees.

‘Don’t do it…” he tried to convince himself. But it was too late to stop now, he was in a frenzy for her and his member was terribly swollen. He fumbled with the clasp of his jeans momentarily, but managed to get them off and brush them aside. He took the girl’s hair in his hand once more, pulling it back tightly, revealing the pale flesh of her neck. Temporarily engrossed by the vision of it, he struggled to tear his eyes away. He leaned back and reached down between her legs once more, he was surprised to discover how wet she was. He found her small, throbbing cleft and began to rub it, slipping a finger inside her as he did so. He felt the tightness of her muscles contract around his finger with pleasure, so he slipped another inside, filling her more completely. Her body weaken and he knew that she had given up all control. Her breath grew heavy. He could feel her pulse grow from inside of her. The blood coursing through her veins…

Suddenly his intensions grew bestial. He withdrew his fingers and yanked her hair back, causing her back to arch, making her ass rise up to him. He took his throbbing member and rammed it into her viciously. She screamed out in pain, struggling to pull away from him with her hands. He gathered her wrists angrily with his free hand and held them behind her back. For a seventeen year old she was far from a virgin, but he knew this must have been painful for her since he was quite aware of how large he was. With each thrust he plunged himself deeper inside of her, her wetness enabling him to slide freely. It was evident that somewhere, deep down, she enjoyed this because there was a hint of pleasure in her screams. But then again, maybe he imagined this. He continued to penetrate her violently, faster and faster, stretching the tiny orifice to it’s limits. The sofa shook against the hard wood flooring and paired with the screams he was thankful for the blarring music downstairs. Not that Jack would mind.

His dick was soaked, the girl had already cum four or five times, he had lost count. Trent was finally reaching climax. He remained inside of her, kneeling over her, resting his face on her heaving shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered into the Raven-haired girl's ear, brushing the hair from her face. The pain was evident in his voice. At least to himself. He gently bent her neck, running his tongue along the skin, tasting her. She tasted of salt and perfume. He opened his mouth… His canines extended towards her flesh...

Lover, I think your writing is beautiful. There is nothing to improve. I'd like to know more about the characters though.

Yes I was thinking about that after I posted it... All action and no emotion... I will need to go into that in the next chapter... maybe continue the story from 1st person... hmmm

Nah, I wouldn't do that. A very common mistake new writers make is revealing too much about their characters at once. You have good pacing. You can reveal a lot about your characters through what they do and say. Then provide more information about their background a little later in the story.

I would pay closer attention with how you start the story, though. The first sentence should give the reader some idea of the overall mood and theme of the story. If the story is purely about lust, then how you have it is pretty good already. If there's another central conflict it's a little misleading.

The character of Trent is pretty interesting as it is. There's no need for first person IMHO.

The first post sounds a lot like what I did lastnight. Yeah it was sexy.

i love the story babe, the only thing that stuck out badly to me was the 'raven haired girl dancing with the blonde haired girl' seemed kind of weak.

other than that its delicious in ever sense.

Thank you Dante :) that was truelyinsiteful. And I read your story, linked in your sig by the way, it was a marvelous read and very entertaining... Well done!! You should write something and post it here.



I wish my last-night was so memorable



Thank you for the criticism... I can always count on you ;)

I think you should write a story sashies. I don't think I've seen you write one? You would write wonderous stories :)

i really need to, i had one long story written before but my mom threw it out so now i have to rewrite it.

i also started writing something back in middle school i might have lying around.

part of what i want to go to school for, get me into writing more prose/fiction and polish my poetry.

anyway i will stop rambling now.

Yeah, it was sexy.

I've written a few things here and there. I have a scene in Annimi's Decadence thread and a short story in the Toots Unter thread.

I have to be careful with what I post here since most of my stories go out for publication and magazines typically want first publishing rights, which get a little tricky posting in a public forum.

Thanks, though! Keep up the good work.

Thanks for the advice Dante! you've been an immense help :)