Hallowed Heart

Red gains of life from into the void,
of infinate past.
A light taken by my owns hands,
to sustain my darkened existence.
A glimmer of sadness caresses my face,
like that of a cold hand.
Each night the same, contiually
painting sins against my soul and heart.
Forever trapped.

I grimanced at the darkness,
a tear adorning my cheek.
As my guild ravages within me,
my eyes set upon the very sun itself.
There you stand shining for all to see,
for all to adore.
But dare I approach something so precious,
and take what you could give ...
with these cold and heartless hands.

I stare motionless and listen to your
fluttering heart.
Singing like the wings of a butterfly.
You turn to me, your eyes are
like the windows to my soul.
Once lost and forgotten within the
passage of time.

My loneliness hugs to me,
like shadowy arms.
I know I can not stay and drink in
your beguiling vision.
The sun creeps to the horizon,
chasing away all evils to darkened hallows.
Your vision remains within my tears,
my mouth tasting your smell.
As I dream of your illuminescent face,
I will forever wait ... watch ... my butterfly.

I like the imagery on this ... very dark and sinnister (wait is that spelt right?)
Not quite sure about the flow but wonderfully written :)

The imagery was awesome, and I loved the way you put things... like -- "a tear adorning my cheek." Dude... that's awesome. I love the way you use words, and the play of words. Write more. T_T Or eye biet joo.

Thank you ... I'm so glad you liked it. It was really funneh, I wrote in on my mobile while I was on the bus ... it was a sudden idea and then I just had to write it here and share it.

Awesome that you liked it!! Thank you!! :)

Hello,

I like this, is it your first piece? I'd like to see some of your earlier work, if you have any. I look forward to seeing more of your work in either Dark Whispers, or Fiction.

As far as criticism goes, I'm nearly bankrupt. My only real issue with this poem was that it seemed like you were relying too much on melodramatic metaphor and simile to get your point across. Poetry is all about subtlety, and metaphor, I realize, but don't afraid to be descriptive without trying too hard to impress the readers with brass, when you should be polishing a diamond.

Good luck, and I hope to see more from you,

Annimi

Annimi ... thank you so much for your words of wisdom ... truthfully this is the first of my peices ... had a sudden urge to write something that was in my head and tada!! Will keep what you said i mind :)

Thanks again!