I'm not much of a poet, but I've been feeling creative again. Thought I'd find a place to keep what one may consider poetry, random rants or stream of consciousness. Just needed a place to put them down so they don't get lost in my mind.

If you decide to read, I hope you enjoy.

end/beginning

the world shatters around me
falling into a million pieces
I watch them hit
breaking into smaller slivers
there is no way to pick them up
it only leaves me cut and bleeding
pieces reflecting the past
who I was
who I wanted to be
who I can never truely be again
no use crying over the fragments of my life
I gather what pieces I can
move on to who I will become
maybe this person will be different then the last
maybe this time I can be me

The Battle

Lost
Lost between who I am
and who I am supposed to be
How do I force the two into peace?
they constantly fight
constantly fling blades at each others' hearts
and in this darkness that is in between
I try to hide from both of them
the twilight is where I truely belong
the place in between darkness and light
the place where I can be both
if only for a little while
for the darkness will always be overcome by the light of dawn
and the light will always be extinguished by the coming night
constantly at battle
constantly hoping that perhaps one day
one side will win

Awakening

eyes slowly open
looking at a foreign place
nothing familiar

head slowly lifts
memorizing new surroundings
trying to get a bearing

legs slowly stand
feet feeling the earth beneath
deciding which way is up

breath slowly taken
cold air accosting the lungs
forcing one to know that they are alive

mind slowly turning
realizing that this is real
this is my life

Hope for Happiness

happiness
perhaps not all is gone
perhaps something is left
a small drop at the bottom of the bottle
a miniscule lick
dropped on the tongue
eyes close dark
open bright with tears
something is better than nothing
nothing has been the void in your life
now there is a horizon to the sorrow

Regret

Push it aside
come back for it later
it's not needed right now
Or is it?

Looking back
why did I pass by so many times?
how could I ignore it?
where had my conscience gone?

I lived without it for that long?
returning to the scene
grasping for what is left
never wanting to let go

I like this one the best but they are all very good. Keep it up and Welcome!

Lost
Lost between who I am
and who I am supposed to be
How do I force the two into peace?
they constantly fight
constantly fling blades at each others' hearts
and in this darkness that is in between
I try to hide from both of them
the twilight is where I truely belong
the place in between darkness and light
the place where I can be both
if only for a little while
for the darkness will always be overcome by the light of dawn
and the light will always be extinguished by the coming night
constantly at battle
constantly hoping that perhaps one day
one side will win












welcome : )
Love it.....perfect...it explains my mind...

Some older poems from a few years back I wanted to add:

Solitude

Because yesterday we were surrounded
by adults in suits, slacks, and jeans
the only one who stopped us-
while we passed by, not the city folk
the raven in his coat of jet black
squawked and turned a gleaming eye upon us

and because today
we left the city for trees that touch the sky
pools that are innocent
a sun that makes him think of summer-
I feel the wind wash away the noise
the birds sing while squirrels scamper
I am but a stranger in a strange world
Only it is my world
the one I awake to every morning
after the glittering stars leave the night
alone with the moon
and the peace she brings to the tormented night

and because I feel the wind brush against my face
I open my journal to a beaten-up page
waiting to be able to speak for eternity

I wrote: Solitude! Not loneliness as some would think,
quiet, freedom
that one cannot find in the city
only in nature
that which we have condemned to death

********

hapiness has been drained
leaving a hard husk
we wish to rejoice
but do not remember how
we wish to cry tears of sorrow
but can only muster a mist on the eye
we long for that which we had
that which we somehow lost
we do not know when or where it left
only that its presence left our tortured body
we wish to regain it
long for it
but do not know where to start
have we just gone cold
is this an unchangeable transition
I hope not
for all I want
is to be happy
even if only for a moment

********

The Journey with Fear

Why do I fear?
Change must come
Independence must be had
Why do I fear this?
I should accept the future
Stop hanging onto the past
with its security,
normality,
simplicity,
and family
I will let go
Be independent
But first,
I must overcome my fear
First,
I must find what my fears truely are
That is the journey
the battle set in front of me

********
Alone

Alone
in a cold world
with no care for the soul
or the one who breathes
she is left to fend for herself
No one to accompany
No one to rely on
Simply alone
in a world
where solitude can be
a blessing
or a curse
We cannot appreciate
the quiet without
the absence of sound
We cannot appreciate solitude
without the lack of company

********

My Friend Outside the Window

Stripped to nothingness
all alone
cold and dying
bringing life
a new generation
to this solitary companion
I whisper
"Thank You"

********

Cold

Cold
Pierced with ice
the world is frozen
But
the world is not as pure as snow
the world is frozen
the heart has been numbed
But
the world is not as pure as snow
blue as ice
light as snowflakes
clarity in the sky
white as far as you can see
But
this is not our world
We have been corrupted

********

Waiting

The clock can strike
The sun can set
The wind can blow
The moon can rise
But I am waiting
The years can pass
They seem to fly
But I will be here
Waiting
Just Waiting
What I want will never come
I will always be waiting
and then
One day
The time will come when I can wait no longer
I must move on

Waiting

The clock can strike
The sun can set
The wind can blow
The moon can rise
But I am waiting
The years can pass
They seem to fly
But I will be here
Waiting
Just Waiting
What I want will never come
I will always be waiting
and then
One day
The time will come when I can wait no longer
I must move on



But somehow...moving on never seems enough when you cannot find a place to go now can it?? all in all good poem, I just had to say that sorry, it was good

A few more ones from the archives:

A single drop
It slowly slides down my cheek
It came from the cold dark eternity
It had been so cold as it grew and swelled
The saddness it brings has been swept over this surface many a time before
It drops off the surface
He makes the water below ripple
The water cries just as that which the drop has fallen from
The cries are silent
They will never be heard
The water stops
The crying silence leaves
The peace has returned

They will be back
They always come
They fill the pool like a sack
When they leave they're always numb

********

Time slowly crept up and touched those hiding from it
The ones who try the hardest, fall first
No one can beat the game against time
He becomes a master of the game
He grabs them, turning their flesh from clean sheets of laundry
to a pile of dirty clothes in a heap to be washed
They enter his game, not sure or ready to be used
All come out almost the same as when they came
They re-enter the world they had come from
Time has won again

********

Power

Light
Light is goodness
Goodness is power
Power is not yours
We belong to Power
Love is power
Power will always triumph over evil

Why is power wanted
We cannot control power
Wanting power corrupts the soul
Only fools want power
Those who have power hate it
Power is necessary
Power brings great responsibility

Do you have power?
Do you want power?

********
I Stand Here

For all the dreams we've dreamed
For all the wishs we've wished
For all the hopes we've hoped
I stand here

For the quiet voices to be heard
For the smallest detail to be seen
For the shyest person to be known
I stand here

To understand the unknown
To question the unjustified
To decipher the mystery
I stand here

Yet I am unnoticed
Yet i am bewildered
Yet I am viewed different
but, never-the-less

I STAND HERE

********

Horror that is Life

There is no security in life
Ther is nothing to be sure of
The ground you walk upon is unsturdy
And one mistake will make you fall
The fall is an unending trip
Spiraling down into an abyss
There is no way up
Everyonewill fall
There is no avoiding the horror of your life

********

lieing on the floor
cold
bare
alone
left who knows where
to be found
who knows when
the ground seeps into your skin
metallic hardness with no feel of nature
all is hard and concrete
the world has lost its innocence
man has forsaken his own
what used to have a sweet face
now shows the unfeeling
with a truthful cold glare

********

Answers

A life not understood
not even by the one who owns it
How can we reach a meaning or a purpose
When we don;t even understand our wants or feelings?
We are lost in a sea
twistinf and turning
trying to keep our head above the water
trying to keep a breath in our lungs
so that one day
we may be able to discover
why we are here
what we want to accomplish
how we went to feel
and whether our answers should be shared
Will anyone understand our answers?
Will we?

you post a shit load at once! holy crap lol good stuff though

[FONT=Geneva][SIZE=7][COLOR=orange]

the world will always shatter when love leaves us drained of life
we give it all we have inside yet those men will never change
for centuries they have taken all we are, changing us forever
damnable creatures they can be but hope we can only hold to
living in the dark does not mean forsaking the chance of love
patience and strength are all that hold us together sometimes
dreams may come and go but in that darkened world lies
one who will bring life to you, as there is one somewhere for me

--Nikka--

Oh wow.

That's all I can say. Oh, and welcome to Darkness.

Thanks for all the welcomes. Those two postings of a whole bunch at once should be a one time thing. Felt like settling in and getting comfy. Amazing how one's style can stay pretty similar over the years. Most of those were from '98 or '01. I seem to have about a three year span between creativity. Hopefully this one will last longer. You can tell the new ones by them being posted one at a time.
And now... back to putting words down and hopeing they mean something to someone.

sitting in the open
waiting for someone to say something
rustle in the trees
wind blowing away all thought
a howl
a call to the full moon to grant
something
uncertain still of what one needs
what one desires
the black wolf sits patiently
watching the one in the open
eyes meet and knowledge is exchanged
lifting their heads
both howl
standing in the cold
the wolf leaves
padding off silently into the trees
yet still there
shining in the eyes of the one still standing
alone in the open
staring at the moon

falling
tears from the sky
flooding the world with sadness
aching for the night
when stars will shine once more
sharing their knowledge and wisdom
lighting the path
into the unknown

^^^ last one was superior...short sweet and to the point of unknowingness

memories of mists
haze of what was real
and what was all imagination
lies
truth
neither are black or white
the world is shades of grey
I wrap them around me
comforting me in their confusion
the hum of what-ifs a lullaby
ears close
eyes shut tightly
trying to ignore the scream of others
telling you to pick a side
don't they know?
there are no sides
it's all just one big spiral
circles within circles
staring long enough
you can't even tell which is more important
the line itself
or the spaces in between

you are very good ...all your poems are great.... thankyou for sharing them

memories of mists
haze of what was real
and what was all imagination
lies
truth
neither are black or white
the world is shades of grey
I wrap them around me
comforting me in their confusion
the hum of what-ifs a lullaby
ears close
eyes shut tightly
trying to ignore the scream of others
telling you to pick a side
don't they know?
there are no sides
it's all just one big spiral
circles within circles
staring long enough
you can't even tell which is more important
the line itself
or the spaces in between



Oh my god...yes....very very brilliant you are...ohhh such work sends chills up my spine!!!!!! please, I beg of you to fill my mind with more beauty of your words.

An ache
A dull pain always there
pierced by sudden bursts of flame
searing the soul
wanting to let it burn forever
let the flames engulf the pain with heat
it burns down to embers
but the fire never goes out
nor does the pain
they lay in wait till they can flare up again

Very, very nice. I believe this is my new favorite. especially the line "comforting me in thier confusion"


beautiful. very, very beautiful.

mm the last one was delightful

I wonder why it is so hard to write about happiness? Pain and suffering and loneliness are so easy. They pour onto the page in bright visions, letting the mind swirl... landing where ever the wave decides to cast them.
Perhaps happiness is so hard because it has been so long since I have been truely happy for more than a few moments. I used to think it would come back with the summer. For a while it did. Things would be brighter when the sun warmed the cement and cast all of the shadows away.
But then one year... happiness did not return with the seasons. It left me alone in a sea of mediocre emotions. Not really sad, but not really happy... just somewhere in the barren middle.
I think at first it was what I wanted... to live in the place where nothing could hurt me... not sadness or loss or pain. I dulled myself because I was too afraid of the pain of the unknwn. The only problem was, I dulled the feelings of everything. In getting rid of anger and hate and sorrow and pain... I also gave up happiness and joy.
Was it worth it? I have come to realize it was not. Almost as soon as I realized the price I was made to pay... I wanted to turn back.
However once a promise is made, a bargain struck, it is a long road back to where you started from. I still travel the broken and beaten trail. Following it through a dark haze, hoping that one day, hopefully soon, I will see the sun shining again. I think I might be getting closer, I think I might see the sun just peaking over the horizon.
At least I was able to keep one thing... I still have hope.

Getting Away

I close my eyes
and the silence surrounds me
it screams so loud
I can't even think
the mind becomes an empty canvas
but just as white is the presence of everything
so is silence
the mind never stops running
I just become accustomed to the whir
not able to understand their calls
not wanting to
wanting to dive deeper into the silence
away from responsibility

Wake up

a sigh
letting out a breath
you didn't know you were holding

a pout
mouth slipping downwards
without even noticing

eyes staring
off into nothingness
deep within the self

SNAP

head up
shoulders back
eyes alert
heart beating rapidly

looking around
you realize
it was all in your head

Storm

Roll of thunder rumbling all the way to the center of being
lightening flashing in the eyes
a silent storm
brewing
tumbling in the mind
in the spirit
in the soul
waiting to be heard by all surrounding
yet traveling as quickly as the wind
blowing from the west
from the land of the dead
not sure how to express itself to the living

ahh I like storm...ive thought about something like that in my head before...

lovely new poetry, and I enjoyed the essay. Its so true of all too many of us.

Welcome Back

back into old habits
back into the way things were
yet
something feels different
something has changed
I have changed
I try to ignore it
to be the person they think I am
the person I was

if wishing were to make it so
would I dare to wish
or would it all end up a nightmare
instead of the fairytale

The nightmare could be the fairytale you're waiting for...cause trust me...some do end good...and the nightmares are only the bgining of a life so worth living.

Beautiful oblivion
surrounded in a warm embrace
soft whispers in my ear
no dreams
no nightmares
nothing at all
except the constant rush
that turns to a sweet lullaby
singing you to sleep

mmm that was beautiful...I can feel exactly as you describe it..that takes a lot of talent...and which you have much of

Thank you for the compliments SaveMySanity. You are a very avid reader of many it seems, with very quick responses.

*smiles* well I love to read what others have...it inspires me greatly. I intend to read everyones work on dark whispers by this summer. Or at least I will try. I have quick responses only on weekends and during this past week my dear, I am off of school heehhe I am very glad of this as well but come monday you will see I will have drifted to only saying a few words here and there. But I do try to make sure all of those who are talented understand that I love reading their works and I will always be around to do so.


~Emz

Faith
something not everyone has
in others
in themselves
in a higher power
something most tend to strive for
they want to take the step
trust that they will land on solid ground
that there will be an arm to steady them
all things will end up
the way they are supposed to
but sometimes
the way things are supposed to be
is not the way we want them to be

the way things are supposed to be
is not the way we want them to be


The sad but utter truth....

very nice. I know its a bit late, but the last untitled one... #33, I really enjoyed. hope you have a good week Ma'am.

stength lies embedded
gentle as a whisper
steady as the sun
caution making them hesitant

allowing so much to come
from two small parts
such an integral part
to each individual

holding them up
reaching them out
grasping for others
hidden away to keep them from idleness

pointing a finger
raising a fist
holding them up
empty to the word

All this in a hand
a simple little hand

that can grasp one fleeing
or push one away
can caress them with a touch
or rake them with pain

such a powerful tool
to express emotion
to lift up the fallen
and embrace them fully

Writer's Block

words caught in a web
trying to be free
unable to escape the grasp
of the cobwebs
allowing them to gather
until there is no other option
except to sweep them away
beat them outside
throwing them to the wind
watching them fly
from my own mind
into the minds of others

Your poems are very good,and well written,I like them very very much!Post more soon!

Darkvamp6791

You soul is so beautiful. Your heart is ike one, so very few have. You can take your pain andother emotions and transform them into beautiful writings. I think I have that skill but I'm not sure....anyway, your thoughts are so beautiful and it might not sink into the hearts minds and souls of others, but keep up the good work and Blessed Be Thy Blood




~Enter_My_Sorrow~

*smiles* yep he summed it up....pretty damn well.....i loved writers block..it was good

Thanks again to everyone for the compliments. It's been nice to empty myself. I'll try to keep posting new stuf.... we'll see how it goes.
~M*

just thought I'd comment on the one about the hands- wonderfully descriptive... something I have problems with. Your poems are truely beautiful, almost as much as thier author.

Seasons

winter winds blowing
almost to their end
the clouds of mist begin to raise
to leave us till another season
the drowning of the world
slowly begins to stop
as the sun returns
drying up the tears
the loneliness
the cold
warmth begins to penetrate my skin
slowly moving its way to
my hands
my head
my heart
the warm showers cleanse our past
renew our souls for the future
strength returns to our bodies
our minds merely have to catch up
allow us to stand up
and greet the coming summer with open arms
it will not be an easy time
beware of the scorching sun
yet
if you open yourself up to the cycle
of life
of seasons
of change
You might just find what you are looking for
you might survive to another winter
that perhaps will not be
quite as harsh as the last
perhaps the soul
will grow
will flourish
will learn
that life is one thing we all must endure
and if lucky
all will enjoy

*smiles* hehehe very nice

Alone with Me

Alone in a room full of people
happy when just with my mind
is that to say
there is something wrong with me
or simply with the rest of the world

I swallow myself in seclusion
yet don't want to be alone
how do I compromise
when I'm not really me when I'm with them
and frightened of me when alone

Isn't there a way
for someone to understand me
not to be frightened of my thoughts
but embrace them
some way
that even when not alone
I can still be me

Why does everyone try to hold on to things so fiercely? Always so afraid that if they let go... they won't come back. So we cling to what we have as if it were the only thing of value in our lives... when sometimes the thing we grasp isn't really worth anything. Then again, sometimes it is worth more than we know. We forget to evaluate our lives on occasion... readjust and figure out what still has meaning. Who can you still trust? What actually makes you happy? Have you changed over the years so subtly that you never really noticed it... until you step back and look at yourself from a new perspective. Look at the whole floor-length mirror, not just the fragment that you were cupping gently in your hand.
We don't like to step back and look at who we have become. Often it frightens us because it is not what we expected to be... whether this is a good or a bad thing. We like to look at ourselves as that child in the photograph. The one who laughed, and was care-free. The one who came up with crazy imaginary games, and thought the world was a good place filled with nice people. We knew definites and the world was much easier to distinguish in black and whites. They hadn't blended yet into so many shades of grey.
But when looking back... and realy thinking... were we ever really so naive? so happy? Or is it us just pushing the bad memories behind and becoming nostalgic already? The truth is often hard to hear... and often changed into what we want to believe. We want so hard for the world to be the way we think it should be. But like many things... people... desires... dreams... sometimes if you push too hard they will only slip away faster. It's like holding a pile of sand in your hand. If you hold your hand open and just let it be it can sit there for a very long time. But if you try to grab it in your fist... the faster and tighter you grasp... the more the sand will slip right through your fingers... and leave you with just a few grains of sand. Of course if you do nothing... the sand might just blow away with the winds of change. So we have to decide.... which risks are we willing to take? And hopefully the answers will come to us.