Ok, I'm new here, and this is my first poem. Please tell me what you think...

I sit here isolated, and agonized, thanks to you.
You weren't an intellectual...or intuitive.
You never could see beyond colors anyways.

I always seemed to fall into a feeling so perfect, and it was always with you.
You weren't for me, and I seemed to have known it all along.
Why do I feel nothing but pain if all you meant to me, was the same as what I meant to myself.

As I reflect back to my days with you, I see nothing but shades, I was so happy.
To you I was simply another color, along with others in your callous rainbow.
Ive become so bleak, Im starting to go blind, I dont want to be another layer.

All I see are colors, I wish you never touched me, or my heart.
Each day will help me to see again, and I can slowly erase the memory of you.
The black and white figure from my past.

That was beautiful. :)
I'm honored to be the first person to welcome you... so WELCOME!! lol

Ok the frame isn't very ballanced, even it out a little and thats really the only helpful criticism I can come up with.
Other than if it's supose to rhyme, it doesn't rhyme very well lol but I don't think it's supose to so thats ok. :D
Maybe make each line shorter just make it look a little neater. ?
Just a couple sudgestions, no need to pay attention to lil ol me
But on a lighter note you have a wonderful vocabulary and it was very descriptive which I like.

-Kat-
:meow:
----------------------------
You can come visit me in my thread if you like
http://forum.vampires.com/index.php?showtopic=14904&st=0

that was lovely. might there be more? hope so. keep it up and welcome to the boards.

Thank you... I have to smooth out some edges I guess, thanks for the help!

The dream
--------------

Awaken, weary, sad,
confused about it all,
must it always be the same,
will I regularly fall?

Theres never an escape,
a solution or a rope,
Im left without my soul,
the only sign of hope.

Everything is stygian,
theres no sign of any light,
its eating at my insides,
leaving but my fright.

So I am left with but abhorrence,
in which I failed to keep abstruse,
I am scarred with all the violance,
scared with all abuse.

So here I stand beyond a door,
back to life where I must fend,
I must face another day,
this must surely be the end.

That was very very good! ~thumbs up~
I loved the rhyme scheme. Hey, I just love it when poems rhyme
I dont know it's just me... but it was STILL frickin awesome
Keep up the good work !! :D

yea thta was a great poem. keep it up.

Those are some really good poems. Great work. Keep it up, and I guess this is a little late, but welcome.

Well since you posted on my thread I will in yours lol . . . *reads carefully* hmmm. . . to be honest I really didn't like the first one, how you constructed it, but the vocabulary was awesome and the meaning about it was too. Now, the second one was really great! I loved it "stygian" that I don't know what the hell that means, but, that's good because that means that you have rich vocabulary! and that makes poems go to a whole different level which is awesome! I love it! Keep up the good work! and I'll be watching you muahahaha! lol

hey, your second one was great, your first could have used some work, but we all have those. Some times you write something that sucks before you get the flow. I liked the first, don't get me wrong! It just needed some construction. You should stop by my thread. I'll be sure to look for more work coming from you. You have a side that I am sure can bring about awesome work, and you've done well. keep it up, and don't get too disguraged! *winks* You'll be fine here hun, most come to love it. everyone is great! especialy my friends *smiles at them lovingly*
Your Friend ^_^

Here's another one!

Beneath the surface
----------------------
Underneath the skin,
past the flesh and crimson blood
lies my mangled pensive heart,
in which preterition floods.

It wants to be unleashed,
to seek the comfort it once had,
it just wants to feel the love,
not anger, pain or sad.

As it slowly begins to stop,
the heartbeat once so true,
it didnt ask for much,
only love from you.

Thanks for all the help, Im trying to get better at this! Its justs hard to put ito words what I feel...

Awwww that is so sweet!! I loved it you're improving and I hate youuu! You're vocabulary is so high I had to look in the dictionary for some words in the poem that is sooo cool though anyways stop by my thread I'm posting my new works now so yep! No criticism coming from me today all the poem was wonderful a 100% yep yep!

yea sometimes it is hard to put into words wat u feel. but u make due with wat u have. by the way great poem. the flow and stuff were fine. at least to me they were. dont worry ur getting there.

*smiles* truly beautiful hun, keep it up. and no criticism here that was great. I understand the whole thing about puting what you feel into words, but if you keep going you'll soon find it easier to put most all of your emotions into words, *laughs* and with that vocab. deadly envies, well, you're certainly going places hun,as for me, I loved it, and *coughs* *tear* I can't say much more, WOuld like to see more of your work though!
your friend
^_^ ^_^ ^_^

Thank you all! *muah* lol, i see im getting a lot of comments on my vocab, btw, stygian means dark, or black.

Beneath The Surface was beautiful

ooooh ok black hmmm. . . k thanks

Nice work there. and yeah; WELCOME! you're doing great. keep up the good work.

Yet another, different than the rest though, structure wise...

A single tear
----------------

I sit alone.
This corner I've gotten to know so well,
embraces my fears, my thoughts, my wounds.

My head it hurts.
So many vile memories,
but no stength to sustain their scars anymore.

My heart is black.
So many loved ones lost,
its not built for this kind of torture.

My tears are real.
Proof of the pain I've endured.
They've escaped, but the evil has not.

How much better off I would be a tear.
So perfect in form,
no head to hurt,
no heart to be broken.

Why can't I be a tear,
conceal the ground,
vanish into the cracks,
never to be seen again.

hmm. i kinda kno wat its like to want to just disappear. nice work.

Ahha! I found raining tears! *humps rainingtears* ME loves your poems they are very good keep up you are improving greatly as a writer.

*tries desperatly to get away from deadly* i might as well give up running from you deadly. you seem to find me anywaz.

o sorry for the spam xtoxicxremedyx. i couldnt help myself. but keep writing!!

Thanks for commenting, yeesh I hate it when people only look, and dont post. :rolleyes:

Wow! ur work is amazing! i especially love The Dream and Beneath the Surface! keep up the work!

And some ppl only come and look but don't post anything because maybe everybody alreayd said everything that they were gonna say and all they have left to say is "good work" (which u heard from alot of ppl already)... i dunno it could be o.O

Those, that, these.
----------------------

Those eyes so blue,
gaze upon me.
That smile so pure,
reminds me.
These arms so cold,
embrace me.
Those lips, so pink,
they kiss me.
That heart, so passionate,
it loves me.
These memories, so painful,
they haunt me.

I really hope you guys like this one, it expresses how I truly, truly feel,

its simple yet it expresses so much. i luv it. great job. keep it up.

hey hey hey PAGE 2 :devilflip:

Me loves this one yep yep! Keep up the goodwork you are greatly improving wow! Bye Bye my dictionary! I'll come and see more of your poems soon I hope.

*grabs tears and humps her again* Why do YOU have to be the first one to post on the second page god damn it! I should rape you for that you know? But I'm too lazy right now.

:devilflip: hahahahahahaha. i got here first.

Free
-----

As night approaches,
I grow tired.
My body is limp,
my mind, gone blank.

I lay down,
thoughts gone,
not a care in the world.
No one can stop me now.

Indulge in the toxic remedy,
every ounce,
rushing through my blood.

Motionless,
my body is trapped,
but my soul is free.

I am free from this world,
this hell.