Please give me some feedback on my writing. It is my true escape but some people I know are trying to get me to give it up. Should I? How is my writing? It is my only expression but I feel as though some people just don't get it. I hope to find someone here who will.


The Battle

Two men have I
Each so gentle and kind
One of the dark
And one of the light
This day I followed after the dark
The light did come to set a spark
And in a cold and musty dungeon
My men did find their fight
Music starts
And then come sparks
But darkness finds a stronger ring
A tone so wild
Marred by the fires
I feel a heat inside me rise to lapping flames
But then the light it warms my soul
It makes me feel as though I’m whole
And in the fading dawn I stand
With my man who holds my hand
But darkness does rise
And I do writhe
With confusion on my heart
Where, does it end?
Where, did it start?
As he takes me on a ride
All my thoughts they slip from life
There is death so strong and pure
Etching itself into my demeanor
Ebb and flow I feel my blood
And, oh, does he profess his love
But the light holds through the night
And when the dawn breaks I do cry
One who loves and one who needs
Yet they carry out such deeds
They do fight with such a strength
The battle is so beautiful to me
And as each man takes my hand
I sit firmly in the sand
I want them both but don’t understand
How do you taste so greatly of both these men?
And then it comes and I do drown
The darkness wins the battle for now
But yet I hold with fleeting grip
The light who touches me with fingertips
Who will win the war?
I am not sure
But the battle
Is now settled
And the darkness
Holds the mist
The queen of stars and ice,
Shadows kiss
And she shall rule this night


Summer Sweat

When the sweet summer sweat is hard to forget
And the Strawberry Wine has always got fizz
Where the weeping willows bow to no gallows
And the peace is serene for love is about
As I hear her name
My heart beats rapid with shame
Shall they know what we did?
Shall we do it again?
The moon our silver hide out
With laughter we cry out
For we have found the love
We have felt the touch
And time holds no spell
When lovers do dwell
In midnights sweet summer
Away from the worlds hell
So where are you now
Sweet bride of mine?
Is this not what I have come to find?
I hear you cry
I hear your moans
Where is your lover, that he might come home?
When did he last touch you
Or lay you down
No matter now
I am around
They say you still have him
Close in your heart
I know you will hold him
Until we do part
I hope he has loved you
As much as ye need
For it was my kiss
That stole your sweet virginity
Yes I am him
The one that you love
And now that I hold you
I see the white dove
Please do not leave me
Or heartbreak bring
For it is your kiss for me
That makes me insane
It is your touch that brings me to my knees
I love you so much and now I do plead
Never leave me
Always be
Loving woman
Meant for me.


The Call

She awoke to a dead lover
One morning during a cold summer
She had lost her virginity
And he had lost his will to live
She washed him of his blood
And laughed harsh with abandonment
Her cold laughter rang out
And sent a misty chill about
All within a mile did cringe
For they knew soon would come her revenge
And in her hysteria she did dwell
As the darkness cast its sickening spell
Then as the queen she did rise up
But found no one to pass the cup
And so she called near and far
To all the lands and to the stars
She called for dark and deathly beings
She called for those who lost their feelings
For every dark and cold suicide
She spoke to them in a voice of warmth
And made them to know her storm
The queen of the dark
The queen of the ice
The queen of the stars
And she found her people once and for all
She passed not the crown
But stayed around
She killed and drank
And found no shame
And as her life progressed her death did gain
Until she found no warmth again
She drank until she could not anymore
But when she died she lived again
And she became Immortals queen
And they did come to find themselves
The dark children of her own hell

Shadows Kiss

Well hello there! Welcome to the forums! I think I understand this poem, you're fighting your innerself, right? Dark and light, its an neverending war between them, Well you certainly need to work at it a little bit more, but if writing is what you want to do, and like, do not listen to those who want you to give up. I understand what you wan to say, so that's a good start!!! good luck

Please give me some feedback on my writing. It is my true escape but some people I know are trying to get me to give it up. Should I? How is my writing? It is my only expression but I feel as though some people just don't get it. I hope to find someone here who will.


The Battle

Two men have I
Each so gentle and kind
One of the dark
And one of the light
This day I followed after the dark
The light did come to set a spark
And in a cold and musty dungeon
My men did find their fight
Music starts
And then come sparks
But darkness finds a stronger ring
A tone so wild
Marred by the fires
I feel a heat inside me rise to lapping flames
But then the light it warms my soul
It makes me feel as though I’m whole
And in the fading dawn I stand
With my man who holds my hand
But darkness does rise
And I do writhe
With confusion on my heart
Where, does it end?
Where, did it start?
As he takes me on a ride
All my thoughts they slip from life
There is death so strong and pure
Etching itself into my demeanor
Ebb and flow I feel my blood
And, oh, does he profess his love
But the light holds through the night
And when the dawn breaks I do cry
One who loves and one who needs
Yet they carry out such deeds
They do fight with such a strength
The battle is so beautiful to me
And as each man takes my hand
I sit firmly in the sand
I want them both but don’t understand
How do you taste so greatly of both these men?
And then it comes and I do drown
The darkness wins the battle for now
But yet I hold with fleeting grip
The light who touches me with fingertips
Who will win the war?
I am not sure
But the battle
Is now settled
And the darkness
Holds the mist
The queen of stars and ice,
Shadows kiss
And she shall rule this night


Summer Sweat

When the sweet summer sweat is hard to forget
And the Strawberry Wine has always got fizz
Where the weeping willows bow to no gallows
And the peace is serene for love is about
As I hear her name
My heart beats rapid with shame
Shall they know what we did?
Shall we do it again?
The moon our silver hide out
With laughter we cry out
For we have found the love
We have felt the touch
And time holds no spell
When lovers do dwell
In midnights sweet summer
Away from the worlds hell
So where are you now
Sweet bride of mine?
Is this not what I have come to find?
I hear you cry
I hear your moans
Where is your lover, that he might come home?
When did he last touch you
Or lay you down
No matter now
I am around
They say you still have him
Close in your heart
I know you will hold him
Until we do part
I hope he has loved you
As much as ye need
For it was my kiss
That stole your sweet virginity
Yes I am him
The one that you love
And now that I hold you
I see the white dove
Please do not leave me
Or heartbreak bring
For it is your kiss for me
That makes me insane
It is your touch that brings me to my knees
I love you so much and now I do plead
Never leave me
Always be
Loving woman
Meant for me.


The Call

She awoke to a dead lover
One morning during a cold summer
She had lost her virginity
And he had lost his will to live
She washed him of his blood
And laughed harsh with abandonment
Her cold laughter rang out
And sent a misty chill about
All within a mile did cringe
For they knew soon would come her revenge
And in her hysteria she did dwell
As the darkness cast its sickening spell
Then as the queen she did rise up
But found no one to pass the cup
And so she called near and far
To all the lands and to the stars
She called for dark and deathly beings
She called for those who lost their feelings
For every dark and cold suicide
She spoke to them in a voice of warmth
And made them to know her storm
The queen of the dark
The queen of the ice
The queen of the stars
And she found her people once and for all
She passed not the crown
But stayed around
She killed and drank
And found no shame
And as her life progressed her death did gain
Until she found no warmth again
She drank until she could not anymore
But when she died she lived again
And she became Immortals queen
And they did come to find themselves
The dark children of her own hell

Shadows Kiss

Please give me some feedback on my writing. It is my true escape but some people I know are trying to get me to give it up. Should I? How is my writing? It is my only expression but I feel as though some people just don't get it. I hope to find someone here who will.


The Battle

Two men have I
Each so gentle and kind
One of the dark
And one of the light
This day I followed after the dark
The light did come to set a spark
And in a cold and musty dungeon
My men did find their fight
Music starts
And then come sparks
But darkness finds a stronger ring
A tone so wild
Marred by the fires
I feel a heat inside me rise to lapping flames
But then the light it warms my soul
It makes me feel as though I’m whole
And in the fading dawn I stand
With my man who holds my hand
But darkness does rise
And I do writhe
With confusion on my heart
Where, does it end?
Where, did it start?
As he takes me on a ride
All my thoughts they slip from life
There is death so strong and pure
Etching itself into my demeanor
Ebb and flow I feel my blood
And, oh, does he profess his love
But the light holds through the night
And when the dawn breaks I do cry
One who loves and one who needs
Yet they carry out such deeds
They do fight with such a strength
The battle is so beautiful to me
And as each man takes my hand
I sit firmly in the sand
I want them both but don’t understand
How do you taste so greatly of both these men?
And then it comes and I do drown
The darkness wins the battle for now
But yet I hold with fleeting grip
The light who touches me with fingertips
Who will win the war?
I am not sure
But the battle
Is now settled
And the darkness
Holds the mist
The queen of stars and ice,
Shadows kiss
And she shall rule this night


Summer Sweat

When the sweet summer sweat is hard to forget
And the Strawberry Wine has always got fizz
Where the weeping willows bow to no gallows
And the peace is serene for love is about
As I hear her name
My heart beats rapid with shame
Shall they know what we did?
Shall we do it again?
The moon our silver hide out
With laughter we cry out
For we have found the love
We have felt the touch
And time holds no spell
When lovers do dwell
In midnights sweet summer
Away from the worlds hell
So where are you now
Sweet bride of mine?
Is this not what I have come to find?
I hear you cry
I hear your moans
Where is your lover, that he might come home?
When did he last touch you
Or lay you down
No matter now
I am around
They say you still have him
Close in your heart
I know you will hold him
Until we do part
I hope he has loved you
As much as ye need
For it was my kiss
That stole your sweet virginity
Yes I am him
The one that you love
And now that I hold you
I see the white dove
Please do not leave me
Or heartbreak bring
For it is your kiss for me
That makes me insane
It is your touch that brings me to my knees
I love you so much and now I do plead
Never leave me
Always be
Loving woman
Meant for me.


The Call

She awoke to a dead lover
One morning during a cold summer
She had lost her virginity
And he had lost his will to live
She washed him of his blood
And laughed harsh with abandonment
Her cold laughter rang out
And sent a misty chill about
All within a mile did cringe
For they knew soon would come her revenge
And in her hysteria she did dwell
As the darkness cast its sickening spell
Then as the queen she did rise up
But found no one to pass the cup
And so she called near and far
To all the lands and to the stars
She called for dark and deathly beings
She called for those who lost their feelings
For every dark and cold suicide
She spoke to them in a voice of warmth
And made them to know her storm
The queen of the dark
The queen of the ice
The queen of the stars
And she found her people once and for all
She passed not the crown
But stayed around
She killed and drank
And found no shame
And as her life progressed her death did gain
Until she found no warmth again
She drank until she could not anymore
But when she died she lived again
And she became Immortals queen
And they did come to find themselves
The dark children of her own hell

Shadows Kiss

The battle was an amazing piece. I will encourage you to keep writing because that was brilliant. It sounded kind of more like a story than a poem though (even though it rhymed) try adding more adjectives and details, add more flavor and juicy words to elaborate the schene and your work will flower.

Seeing your hand not baring a pen,
It would be a shame to see such talent go to waste.

-Kat- :meow:
Check out my Thread if you wanna stop by and say hi

oh yeah and check out my thread too!!

heya hunny how are you?? great stuff there u got i really like it :)

p.s. please keep all ur posts on a same thread hehe just saying

Hey people,
I am sorry, I did not mean to post so many of the same message.
It was an accident caused by my computer. Anyways. I've fixed my computer. And apologize. Thanks!
Shadow Kiss

geeze looks like u had fun...*whispers*
hey...hey come here...hey..keep your stuff in one thread,
or them people...them admin people will get upset..ok.
*smiles* ok...
BUT hey nice works though!
...i just reply to my own thread all the time.
you know puttin up more new works and umm stuff.
*skids off* :ph34r:

is it really necessary to have 10 threads? one of the mods will fix it soon.

wow those r awesome. you should definitly keep writing. the way you make the poems rhyme is great. its something i could never do.

oops did i post in one i shouldnt have? o well. great work!!!!!

Your work is beautiful. If your friends think you should give up such a wounderful talent, then they don't know what real talent is. You should definatly keep it up.
^__^

Hey Hey Hey ! I was the one to first post in your thread well one of them atleast, how come you people decide in which thread to post?! ^_^ grrrrr anyways like I said before I like your poem alot though it needs a little bit more of work it is still good. The Battle is a really good poem, to me it is about fighting your own soul, you know? Well I don't know if it is what you're trying to say but. . . I had a problem like that one with blackdragon *looks at her* I'm realy sorry. . . Anyways keep up the good work and don;t forget to check out my thread, stop by and say hi sometime, and maybe give some suggestions to write better poems you know?

[/quote]The Battle is a really good poem, to me it is about fighting your own soul, you know? Well I don't know if it is what you're trying to say but[/quote]

Actually you're very close. It is in ways my own fight but the men are not just inside of me, they are real people too. Thanks for what you said, and I'll try and make sure to stop by your thread some time. I'll keep working on it and maybe the next thing I write or post you'll like better, but don't loose me yet. Thanks again.
Thank everyone! I really appreaciate it.

Shadows Kiss
Ps. I don't think I've figured out how to quote yet, can someone tell me how if this does not come out right?....Thanks!

About the quoting thing- here is the correct way (I'm going to use paranthesis so it doesn't actually quote, but you already know that you have to use [ and ])

(quote) to start, then (/quote) to end I believe. Or you could just highlight the section you want to be quoted and hit the quote button at the top of the reply box (that is not for Fast Reply, it's for Add Reply)

Thanks ThroughGlassWithNoShards for the info.


Son

My son means so much more to me
You better learn quick how to see
Mess with him you mess with mom
Mess with me, you mess with all
Nine years old and growing fast
I will not let him become my past
His father I loved but now is gone
I am his last hope
I am his dawn
The darkness inside is wild and deep
But he does not see this side of me
So young a mother
He's lost a father
Now I write to keep my peace
Sanity comes with the sun
But when its dark I am gone
Sunk so deep inside this death
How am I to raise whats left?
I stay alive for sister and son
I'll never tell him I'm not his mom
A family made from ashes deep
Is all I have to remember me
So echo on young endless night
The queen of stars has taken flight

Written in frustration. Dedicated to my son who will be nine July the fifth. He is a true happiness to me, and I miss his father dearly. [feel free to ask if you're confused I don't mind, most people do] Actually I would like to ask some advice. He's getting older now and he'll be curious soon. I need some advice on how to tell him I am not his mom. If you would be kind enough to offer your help please write me at lsage_dreamsweetlove@hotmail.com so I can explain and you can offer me some advice. Thanks to everyone.

I like this one a whole lot more, you're improving quite a bit, and I am going backwards (funny) hmm Well I don't have anything to say about this last poem I do not see anything wrong with it except that I don't fully understand what you're trying to tell me. . . (it's not you. . . I'm like this) So you have a son but is not really yours? My msn thing is Hottdevilgrlgn69@msn.com if you want to talk about it, but, I do not have kids yet but I think I'm old enough to give advice!

DONT STOP WRITING FOR TWO REASON SONE YOUR A GOOD WRITER AND TWO IT SEEMS THAT U EXPRESS YOURSELF IN IT LIKE MOST DO......IF U STOP WRITNG U MIGHT KEEP SOME FEELINGS BOTTLED UP AND TRUST ME IT COULD LEAD TO BAD THINGS ALTHOUGH I DONT KNOW YOU SO U NEVER KNOW...YOU WROTEING IS GREAT....WHY DO SOME PPL WANT U TO STOP WRITEING? WELL THERE ARE PPL WHO LIKE YOUR WRITEING... I AM NOT GONA TELL U WHAT TO DO IF U WANNA WRTIE THEN WRITE IF YOU DONT THEN DONT DO WHAT U FEEL IS RIGHT NOT OTHER WHATS THINK IS RIGHT FOR YOU.

*points up* Yep very true I agree

Thanks Deadly Reaper. I tried to contact you, but it said that my emails were failing to reach you. I have no clue why. Thanks, though, and if it still wont go through then please contact me at lsage_dreamsweetlove@hotmail.com. I really appreaciate everything.
I appreaciate all of you. I feel comfortable here. Thank you.
Shadows Kiss

DeadlyReaper, I got your email, but mine still wont go through and I don't know why. I'm not used to my account acting up on me like this, but oh well. Since it wont let me send my message to you, I'll just post it.

Hey,

Thanks for letting me talk. I worried after I wrote the post that it would be confusing, but I also worried I would not ever fit in now. I guess I was wrong. Here's my story. (well this one anyways.)

When one of my best friends, Sean, was 17 he had to except the responsibility for something he done and should not have. He had given away his virginity 9 months before to a girl who he liked. On July the 5th 1995 she gave birth to his son, Jesse. She was afraid of raising Jesse, but Sean would not put him up for adoption. So Sean's parents took Jesse as their son. [Sean's twin had died at birth and it had devestated his mother] this caused Sean to allow their want of his son. He felt much more comfortable as his older brother for the moment anyhow. For four years they raised Jesse and me and Sean were family to him as a sister or brother would be, just a little stronger for his protection and emotions. Sean's parents were killed and Jesse was left to him as his son. Jesse soon came to know me as a mother figure [and Sean as his father] and started calling me mom. It startled me, but knowing that Sean loved both me and his son I could not hurt him or Jesse. On December the 1st 2003 Sean was killed in a car accident. Jesse lives with his {Uncle Jon}[me and Seans best friend] Right now, but still calls me mom. He was left to my and Jonathons care in Seans name. I am greatful for that and I love Jesse, but it is quite startling. I know he will know soon, and I don't want to fail him. I loved his father, and I love him. I am young though, his father practically raised me. He was 25 when he died and he is about ten years older than me. My mom knows, but doesn't quite understand, and I would never think to include my dad in these things. It would be a nightmare! Jesse still knows me as his mother, but I am not sure I will know how to help him bear his pain when he realizes he has no blood relations left that know of him. I can never know how he is going to feel or react and *laughs* that, well, weird enough it sorta scares me.
I need advice on how to let Jesse see me. I am not Jesse's blood mother, but I am Jesse's mom at heart. I have been all these years in a weird and different way than most, but still a mother.
Any suggestions?

Ps. Thanks for letting me talk to you about this. If you're confused still thats ok. I just feel better now, because its almost like for once I fit in. Thanks again for appreaciating my work my age henders most views of my work. Thanks for taking the time to listen to me. You must be a great friend all around and I would hope to become a friend of yours.



Shadows Kiss

With Open Arms
Sorry the emails would not go through. All I did was paste what I've been trying to send you. Thanks.

Hello, well I think this is quite a problem, but I think, you should still tell him the truth, because if he ever finds out by someone else he might feel something negative towards you. If you feel yourself responsible for him, and love him as a mother, you should tell him the truth, he loves you, because he calls you mom. A mother is not the one who gives birth to the child, a mother is the one who will sacrifice anything for the one she is willing to protect and love. Now I'm going to tell you something. . . Do not tell him yet, because he is too young he is only nine right? I think you should wait a little while more, when he finds out about this he will surely brake down into lil pieces, and it will haunt him all his life, but if you love him, it will surely help him go throught the pain also try to not tell him details, and only if he asks you will. He will be shocked but, it will pass, now, it will also affect you, but, infront of him you must be strong, because that way he will feel as if he has a pillar to lean to, and expell his pains on someone that truly listens to him and loves him.

Thank you DeadlyReaper, your words have allowed me to realize what I've been hiding from myself. I guess my true fear was coming from the thought that he might be angry with me. But I see now that he will be angry, maybe with me, maybe not with me but through it all because of my love when he learns to overcome it and see me as his mother once more he will still love me. And in my heart I know you're right. As long as I love him I am his mother. Thank you for the advice. By the way, I stopped by your thread and you write pretty well.
Thanks for the support and advice. I will wait, *smiles*, thats some what of a relief. I hope that my son will find ways to let his pain go. If not in writing like me, then somewhere. If you ever need anything I'm here, *laughs* I'm a pretty good advice giver for my age. All my friends come to me for support and advice, but all people need a shoulder to lean on, even the ones we sometimes take for granted and I know this because I have felt used before, so it does happen. Anyhow, just wanted you to know I'm here and I appreaciate that you let me talk to you. Giving and taking, thats what keeps friendships healthy. Thanks again, and I hope you have a good night, I will be seeing my son tonight and I'm much more happy now. I will be able to push it all away and keep the precious moments tonight.
Thanks,
Your Friend

Very good work, so keep on doing this kind of quality.

thanks for the inspiration do you write?

cant say as i do much writing

I am glad I could help you ^_^ keep writing poems will you!!!

yes I will and I do not think your work is regressing any. I have been writing for years and sometimes I hit these moments where everything sucks but i come back out. hang in there and I like the last thing you posted I just read it in your thread i mean its good. Interesting

Your poems are worded rather well, but when they build up to anything interesting you quickly overcome it with an anti-climax. I think you should let certain verses be their own endings and not feel the need to clarify the exact details of your ballads. Just a little helpful criticism, we all love it. :)

Thanks I appreaciate being criticized so that I can't get better at what I do and find ways to strengthen my release. I'm on a block right now though, so I'm just trying to bide my time.

*laughs* I meant so that I could get better. ^_^

wow, you've got a lot to deal with. I could never imagine somehting like that. I absolutly love your poetry too. Please, keep posting.

I will Kat, thanks!


Wish

This is my wish
That you might learn to bask in the silver moons kiss
Learn to speak unto the stars
Whisper to them, and greet their scars
Release yourself in this time
Find the way to remain mine
Oh, beloved this I ask
That you take on simple task
Lean in and hear my call
I whisper on the waves of the moon
A love so strong, a journey so soon
When you take a path from me
It is then I hope you see
I will always be with you
All my whispers left to the care of the moon
A silver pool is spilling out
It’s breaking through these darkened clouds
Being the son of the queen of stars
It is here you’ll often find my heart
And when the darkened whispers come
And you find yourself with gun
Do not listen to their lies
Just turn your eyes upon the skies
Let your heart open up
And in the moons glow you’ll find my love
So when you feel my death has conquered
Just remember I died with my own honor
Your mothers caress
Her gentle touch
She was my life
She was my love
And when you need a fathers touch
Find the glow I loved so much
The silver pool of living love
And my caress will fall from above
Each moon beam filled with my love
And as the shafts of light
Come tumbling down to play each night
I will kiss your mothers rosy lips
And caress you beneath fingertips
Turn to me in your need
Loving father,
Lover of the queen
Queen of stars
I whisper gently to your scars
And my words fill each pen stroke
Made this night as you silently choke
You have no words to say
But my love in the ink of your pen does play
A moon shaft touches your lips
And as they warm I find your fingertips
Lullaby and goodnight
Loving family
Forever mine.

Resistance

I will not be all you want
I will not be your taunt
I will not respond when you tease
You'll never get me on my knees
You said you'd beat me to make me mind
But I wont step down then I'm not that kind
Pain me, kill me, shoot me dead
I'll still stand ten feet above your head
Bite me, hit me, cuss and claw
You'll still go insane because you never saw
I'll never be what you want
I'll never be your shining star
For sick and fucked up is all you are!
But I am the queen of stars
Catch your breath and jump on in
Now your mind will twist, emotions spin
You thought you had complete controll
But then I learned the way to fall
I've forgiven you, I always will
But this is my time to let my pain spill


Stand Up

Wimp, bitch, slut
You say this shit then call it love
I'm standing up and shouting out
Yeah, well lets just see how you like me now
Never perfect enough for you
Now I'll taste of his view
Hes my son
Needs my love
Needs me to say thats enough spilt blood
You say I'm a wimp
He says I'm a hero
You say a bitch
He says beautiful
You say fat
He says slim
But when you call him bastard
Thats when I cut in
You can bad mouth me
From monday to friday every damn week
But dont you even dare to shove my son to his knees
I might have been your kid
But this one is mine!
So take a step back
Or I'll teach you how to cry
You've called me weak practically my whole damned life
But this is my child and you just hit the end of the line
You stand up strong and call me a whore
But I just laugh as I see your head spin in the chaos of your world
You want to talk about strength?
You don't have a right to power, contemplate
I know that my love will conquer you words of failure
I've overcome so much already
And with my son and memories of his daddy I will stand steady
A father, not a daddy is all you've been
So cry out loud as everything spins
I was never really your kid
And this one is mine
So take a step back or I'll teach you how to cry
You've called me a weakling my whole damned life
But this is my son and you just smacked head first into the end of this line.

Wow they're really good, keep posting more, don't get tired like I did lol but I'm coming back soon. . . I think. . .

whoa this last one stand up is awesome. very powerful emotions. i luv the way u write.

Thanks RainingTears! I'm happy you like Stand Up I was upset when I wrote it, but all over it seemed to capture my emotions. Oh, and Deadly you better come back! I would be altogether too lonely without you hun. *laughs* be good ppls I'll catch ya later.
Your Friend

WOW! u have such great talent. anyone who tells u diffrent is either jealous or stupid. i could never write like this. i wish i could though. stop by my tread sumtime. i would love to see what u think of my stuff.

*~BloodFilledTears~*

I will and thanks. But its not about how you make something sound its about the relief you find when something thats been writen on your heart and soul can roll off your tung or be scribbled onto a piece of paper with a little ink. I'll stop by your thread though and I appreaciate the comment.
Your Friend

Resistance was absolutly wounderful. I loved it. Is that really what you have gone through? Just let me know if you ever want to talk. I'm here for ya.

Yes Kat. Thank you babe, *laughs* well, you made me cry. You are such a sweet person. I'll have to respond properly later. wub ya
Your Friend
Ps. I'll try and get something up tomorrow. thanks ppls.

How I Feel {as I see}

Here I try to hide from you
I guess its pretty crazy what I would do
Just to stay out of your reach
And yet I know you'll find me with your teeth
You'll take me back and keep me close
I'm not even sure I'll ever want to go
Its really weird I don't understand
Why it seems you hold my hand
You controll me with a breath
And now you reside in my breast
I hate what you have done to me
To make me love so awkwardly
If I were not here to hide
Would I not come forth to cry
But in the end to what result
You would come with insult
You pain me so I can not bare it
Now I'm stumbling into barrens
You made me love you and drunk of that feeling
Then you left me when there was no more reeling
You wanted me
And made me see
What I had brushed off harmlessly
Now you command
With firm but gentle hand
And with good intentions I obey
For I have loved you all my days
But I can take no more this pain
And I slit my wrist, and watch red blood pour from my veins
A pool beneath my feet does set
Red in color undoubtably wet
And as my breath slips from my lips
I feel you under fingertips
An echoed whisper of dying love
Do you see what you have done
But one death had done you in
And when you see me, you think of him
You look at me blank and bleak
You don't understand what happened to me

As You See

I see you now upon the bed
You lay there where I have lain
And beneath you is a blood red stain
My heart pounds I turn my head
How could you have been so dumb
Damn it! You were too young

It is my fault you lay lifeless there
I turn off all ofensive lights
And stumble over to your side
Laying down, I thread my fingers through your hair
We lay now in the dark
Waiting by the moons silver glare, yet I lay looking to the stars

Dreamer, thats all I've been
I trail your features in the dark
And something snaps inside my heart
And then I realize my deepest sin
I let you love at such an age
And never cared to write upon your page

I let you cry alone at night
I turn from you and clasp my mouth
You were so young I find no doubts
I turn my eyes from your sight
I let you love this dark imprint
How could I let you fall under his intent?

But yet again I snap inside
And this time when I look to you
I see beauty found anew
But in the black and souless night I shed a tear, then I cried
I loved you so
Yet, I let you go

Sickening realization snaps within
As I turn over our last years
I look to you in stricken fear
And then I completely understand, there is no him
I am the man
That took your hand
And led you deep
Swept you up and off your feet
And I love you even now
As the blood seeps through your silken gown

*laughs insanely* do you see me friend? Have you found me yet? This is for you if you ever read it. You took me weather or not you want to believe it. Face up, you always ask me that stuff about growing up, well guess what I just out grew you in a bound. Wonder if you'll come around. You know the worst part? I still remeber what it felt like to drown, and even with that I still love you.

:help:

You said you'd always be with me, *smiles* you are.

Ok, thanks kat, you know what for, and I know you'll understand the last poem I wrote. I'm going to try and put something up again later today, but I gtg ya know check on my mom. thanks deadly you are always an inspiration.
Luv ya all
Your Friend

*hugs* No problem. Any time. I'm allway here. Don't be afraid to seek me out to talk. That poem was beautiful by the way.

Thanks Kat

The fuck!?

You people! She is mine! She is mine mine mine! * pushes everyone out for a moment* I loved it dear the one that is called "How I feel" it is beautiful! I loved it! and "as you see" it is breathtaking. . . *sighs* I wish I could write like you. . . man, this sucks alot of cock! anyways I'll come back in a lil while Bye.
~~DeadlyReaper~~


PS/ She's mine! :devilflip: :devilflip:

Of course I am deadly, i'll always be yours. And write like me *lol whatever! I envy your work deadly, you have no right to want to write like me when you're way over my head. But alas, I do think you for the generous compliment, although I'm not worthy. You are of course mine. *laughs* I say so! *smiles* hush my dearest I thank you as always. Your comments are always lovely and make me smile even when I'm pained. What would I do without you? *whispers*{only to you} i feel dead, but you have made me smile. thank you sis *sighs* *bows* i must take my leave if i wish to play around on here tonight, but indeed I will write a poem just for you. Ok, everyone can come back in, but steer clear of deadly she might bite! *laughs* Don't look at me like that! I will not controll her as I have been controlled by so many. If she wishes to do so, fine. *smiles at deadly* have fun dear. *laughs harshly and leaves room*
Yours deadly,
Friend to all

^_^

u left us alone with her???? shes gonna go mad!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!
(just playin deadly)