I wrote this some time ago. Darkness was mine a long time ago, I still carry a shadow. I don't know if you'll like this poem, but if anyone does please let me know. My writing has always been my escape, but I feel as though I could loose it. Please give me some feedback on my writing. I have better, but this is what I felt compelled to leave in your hands. Thanks for reading. shadows kiss
Ps. i wrote here because I was told it was a good place to leave your deepest pains and secrets and that friends could be found who understood. please correct me if that is wrong.

You

You are not death!
Can't you see?
Your life means so much more to me
I need you
I love you
Don't turn around
It's not my want
This rings a different sound
Need
Need you
More than my next breath
I need your love, and touch upon my breast
Your lips so slim, your hands gentle
I love your strength
And the ebb and flow of your breath
I need your love
I need your touch
Your beating breast
Your loving trust
Crazy insane
This is my pain
I am the downfall
Of your sweet fate
I am your death
Your lost call
Please do not fall from me
Do not leave me I do plea
Yet you turn your back to me
And now I am your queen
As I fall
I hear your call
I am now
A darkened shadow
Falling down
A calling hollow
Weeping willow
I do follow
No matter where
You do lead
I will carry on this deed
I am the deathspell
That left you well
Now I am gone
You call for me
Go back home
I go alone
You can not follow
Not down this hollow
I wish you to be fine
Please be mine
Stay light
Stay sweet
And one day I will find my way home
To fall gently at your feet.

im kinda out of it, but from what i read it was pretty good. keep writing to escape, i do and its kept me from suicide.

Welcome to the Forums!

First thing- Some have found friends here, good lasting friends who understand. I have found friends... but everyone's experience here is different.

You are a writer, that much is obvious, and from what I've read, you're a good writer. It's a sweet poem. Mm. Kind, you seem like you're being so kind to someone who meant a lot to you. It's sad but sweet, I like it a lot.

But let me tell you something... You may feel very close to someone, and that's okay. But you don't need anyone but yourself, dear. Believe in yourself.

Hope to see more of you here!

Rachel

That it was a sweet poem.. i liked it a lot.. the only thing i see in such poems that i find out of place ((and not in just yours but others who use a similar style)) is that your lines are uneven.. i usually try to make mine as even as possible but when i read these kind of poems the lines can vary from a single word to half a page.. but just because i like my poems that way does not mean that is how you have to write, just my critisism for the day. Note: i am not critisizing to be mean but only saying something that may help you to grow as a write like i have since i first came to these forums.. you can never reach your full potential which is why i strive to grow and learn more each day and i like to pass such on to others. As darkfaery said - welcome to the forums and i hope that you find what you were seeking when you first came here... i have made so many friends here it is a true blessing. Good luck and keep writing

Welcome to the forum! You are correct, this is a place to share your deepest pain, your deepest fears and your screaming insanity. We are all friends, and we accept new friends no questions asked.
This was a lovely poem! Very sad. I'm sorry someone made you feel that way, but we can only learn from the pain of experience. Hope to hear more from you soon! ^_^