Well, everyone seems to like poetry, and to criticize it as well. So I decided to join in and share some of my poetry with you.

BE FOREWARNED: I LOVE TO WRITE AND USUALLY HALF OF THE SHIT I SAY MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!

MY DRINK
B ecause I want it
L ove the taste
O h the superiority
O n my tongue it rolls
D own my throat it goes
--And I am no longer hungry

Its written that way on purpose. If you just look at it you can guess what its about. But if you don't see it, you must be blonde. Oh yeah, I did write this one for those of you who have met my friend. She is the one who got me on here (because she is cool that way) and she did have a poetry thread, however!, she took this one as her own, and we fought about it...badly...then she moved...and I have yet to hear from her. Well, TTFN!

Not bad. Don't worry about your stiff not making sense. My stuff usually doesn't either. You are pretty good though. Hope to see more.

Why thank you.
I've noticed that you seem to spend a lot of your time here in the poetry threads, is it because you like poetry, or you just end up here a lot?

Well, I have another poem I wrote last week. Granted, my poems are extremely morbid, and can entail some pretty cruel stuff, I write as I feel. If there is something to say, I say it in rhyme (usually in rhyme, but not always). This one was because my aunt and uncle have a very abusive relationship, and lets just say one of them is six feet under, the other in jail.

Who?
Who will see you
--When you go?
Who will watch you
--When you fall?
Who will hear you
--When you scream?
Who will save you
--When you die?
I will tell you.
Not me, not I.
No one will.
Now you can cry.

Yeah. Thats my morbid mind for you. And the funeral was beautiful, so that kind of made it a little better.

heya welcome to the forum your poems are great love them.. it doesnt matter if they make no sense some of mine are ALL OVER THE PLACE and i mean that lol.. well keep up the good job.. stop by my thread sometime.

FUCKIN EH

Love it... you've got talent, no doubt about that. keep it up. theres one of mine that i need someone to help me on. i think its good, but i need someones opinion on it... its under the topic (just wrote this) stop by if you want and check it out. hope to see more of your work. and welcome to the forum, hope everyone treats you well.
-morbidheart-

Tanku Tanku Tanku very much.

I'm not one for love poems really, but I *coughs* fell in love recently. My dearest has inspired me so greatly, however, like most dilemmas seem to like to be, he has no idea that I feel this way about him. We were dating, but stopped. And now I am with someone else, but I love the OTHER MAN even more. AAACK! what a dilemma. And my love inspired me to write a poem about what had happened to us. Its long, but I mean every word.

Such a Love I Feel For You
My tall handsome man
You fill my heart with love and joy
The hair of darkened gold atop your brow
Eyes as deep as the darkest ocean
Maybe you aren’t built
But you are still my strong man
Your small hands made for artistry
Your strong but gentle hugs
And breathtaking kisses
My friends say I need you not
But I know they are wrong
I need you in my life
I want you in my life
But you have confessed to me
Your feelings aren’t the same
And I told them all it didn’t hurt
But I lied
It killed me inside when you said those words
I’m too much of a friend to you
You didn’t want to lose that friendship
But you wouldn’t have
You won’t
There is much more to gain
A love that is so strong inside of me
My heart beats only because I know
You are still there
There is still a chance
Though it may be one so small
A chance is a chance
And I am willing to take it
But are you?
This I do not know
I cannot answer for you
But I want to know
That one special night
I would kill to relive
I miss your touch
I miss the words you spoke
Even if they were untrue
Your gentle hugs and sweet kisses
I miss them all because they are you
And it is you that I long for
Perhaps I am clinging to something
That is really nothing
But my heart tells me that its love
And what is worth living for
If not love
If love cannot save me
Then why should I stay?
If I know that your love is not meant for me
Then I shall leave
And be reborn in hopes of finding you again
I risk losing life for love
A love I do not have in return
Please love me the way I do you
I cannot be alone
I wish to be the one you need
I wish for your love to grow for me
I long for your love
But do you long for mine?
I wonder but pray
You need mine as well


And thats that. This is one of the very rare love poems that actually does not go too morbid. All the others usually end up in suicide... :devilnaughty:

Tomb
SEE HERE? HE LIES IN THE DARK.
HE SITS IN HIS COFFIN, WAITING.
PONDERING THE WORLD IN WHICH HE IS NOW.
FEELING LOST AND ABANDONED BY ALL.
HE WISHES TO BE SET FREE.
HE WANTS OUT OF HIS PRISON.
LET ME FREE HE CRIES, LET ME FREE,
ABLE TO WALK AMONGST THE LIVING
LOOKING LIKE NOTHING BUT ANOTHER PERSON.
LIKE A VAMPYRE.
LIKE A DEMON.
LIKE A HUMAN.
BUT HE IS NOTHING LIKE ANY OF THESE.
HE DOES NOT DWELL AT NITE, LIKE A VAMPYRE.
HE DOES NOT KILL, LIKE A DEMON.
HE IS NOT CRUEL LIKE A HUMAN.
HE IS ANOTHER BEING ALTOGETHER.
HE IS A CORPSE.
HE FEELS NO REMORSE, NO PAIN, NOTHING.
HE HAS NO URGES, NO NEEDS.
SO LET US MEET HIM.
AND DISOVER WHA IT WOULD BE LIKE IF THERE WAS
- NO PAIN, NO NEED, NO URGES, NOTHING.
WHAT A HAPPY LITTLE WORLD IT WOULD BE.



I don't know...

8 days...8 days and no replies...I'm thinking my thread got pushed to the bottom of the list again...so I'm bringing it back. Tell me what you think of deliciously morbid words (cater to my ego) if you like or dislike them. Why or why not?

I like, I like... and btw misscaraiged mind - its FUCKING A! As in fucking arsehole

bit moody are we? Glad you like.

Golden
SUNSHINE IN THE SKY;
LIGHT IN YOUR EYE;
A HALO AROUND A GOOD MAN’S BROW;
A TIME FOR ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE NOW;
THE COIN IN THE RICH MAN’S HAND;
THE DESERT, NO MAN’S LAND;
A NUGGET FROM THE MOUNTAINTOP;
A BAR FROM FORT KNOX;
THE WEDDING RING AROUND HER FINGER;
A BOX IN WHICH HIS WATCH MAY LINGER;
A CRAYON A PENCIL TO COLOR THE SHAPES;
THE TOP TO A LIPSTICK CASE;
THESE ARE ALL GOLDEN, YES IT IS TRUE;
BUT THEN IN MY HEART SO ARE YOU.

I really hate gold, but I wrote it. Inspiration thanks to Austin Powers in Goldmember (haha). But aaah, then I am a loser with no life, and only a hope for a life I will never have.

Hey people, threads can't respond to themselves. I'm trying not to be impatient, and I don't think I am, but I would like some feedback on the poems here. I don't want to put up too many unless I have enough feedback from ones that are already up. So come on in and give me your words. Tell me the way that you feel. Come on, now!

I like the first one about blood- I find acroustic poems interesting...The one about gold is cool too...

You know your poem "Such a love I feel for you" has one really remarkable quality. It is a really easy flowing read. I've noticed that a lot of poetry here is very "brainy" so you can’t really see or feel too much until you decipher what the poem means first. Yours on the other hand reads very well. I would really like to see more. Great Work.

I like your stuff. Welcome to the forum, if no one has said it yet! ^_^ I really liked Tomb and Such a Love I Feel for You. Both fantastic! Keep up the good work!

Wow...cool. Thanx for the compliments, Lingering darkness and muse. And to everybody else as well. I really appreciate it. And I'm glad that you guys liked Such a Love I Feel for You. Its awesome to have someone say they like my poetry. Makes me fell all fuzzy inside *giggles*.

As of right now, I am going to write a few more poems before I post any more. I have quite a few but nothing I deem worthy of showing to you all. I am also going to post poetry that I found in a book that I deem worthy of vampires.com. But later, though.

THANX AGAIN!

This one is from a Pacifist outlook on life. I wrote this about 5 years ago when I didn't believe in war and fighting or killing innocent people. Now it doesn't matter. I have changed in mentality as well as my physical self.


Poison

IT STREAMS FROM THE BOTTLE
IN AN ENDLESS FLOW
IT COMES FULL THROTTLE
AND NO ONE CAN KNOW
YOU BURN AS YOU FALL
THROUGH THE EARTH TO THE HELLS
ITS MADE BY THE MEN
WHO ON THE EARTH DWELL
IT MAKES YOU SCREAM
AND CRINGE IN PAIN
IT MAKES YOUR MIND
LESS WHOLE AGAIN
YOU SUFFER THROUGH DEATH
AND SUFFER HARD
THE POISON IS SIMPLE
PERHAPS HELD IN GLASS SHARDS
ROUGH IS YOUR JOURNEY
UNTIL THE END
BUT YOU’LL BE HAPPY
WHEN DEATH COMES ‘ROUND THE BEND
THIS IS THE POISON
THIS IS THE CURE
MADE FOR THE UNWORTHY
NOT FOR THE PURE
POISON FOR THOSE
WHO DO NOT WISH DEATH
CURE FOR THEY
WHO HAVE LOST THEIR HEAD
THIS IS THE POISON
THIS IS THE TIME
THAT HAS COME
FOR ALL OF MANKIND
THIS IS POISON
MADE ONLY FOR
THE EVIL LITTLE DEVILS
THE POISON IS WAR