(btw my poems dont ryme, when they do they usally sound forced)



i watch the world on fire
waiting for my chance to burn
drown out screams with my own
ease the fear with pain
cut open resalution
the ends to near to care
i cant wait to leave this hell
the waits torture in its own
i pray to no higher power
for it would be the one to blaim
im suffacting my humanity
with sarrow and with death
my chance has finaly come
swallowed by the flames i lay
im finally at peace

i just want a place for people to honestly judge my poerty, for i do not think my friends ( yes i do have a few) tell me the truth when i share them, so please, tell me what you honestly think of my work... PLEASE

Hey don't take this the wrong way but i think it sounds as though it isn't finished or something, like there should be more. other than that it's good.

my hands arouond your throught
i hate you
your breaths growing short
i hate you
your face pressed against the wall (chorus)
i hate you
your life in my hands
!I HATE YOU!




i wash my hands clean of you
pressperation on my brow
wipe the blood off my shirt
picture the bruses on your neck
I WANT YOU TO HURT!!
(chorus)
i let the hate break me
BEWAR OR IT"LL HAPPEN AGAIN
next time my hands around your throught
next time I WONT LET GO
not untell your bodys dead and cold
(chorus)

-ED (i am a girl)

you cant see me
though im standing in your face
your cant feel me
though im breathing down your neck
your cant hear me
though im screaming in your ear
you dont see the simple things
you dont see me
im a non-existant person
i wish i was never born
then i wouldnt be your carpet
crying out for a pick me up
i beg for your forgivness
but you dont hear it
my blood pores out in vengence
but you dont see it
im just a ghoust in time
trading memories for good times
thats dissapeare the morning after
you see right through me
to the love that awaits you
you dont no im there

as the truth is unvailed i sit hoplessly, with out a sound, and listen to the mask being toren from my face, and what you see now is ugly, tear streaked and worn, ugly, no smile here, no laugh, juat a lost look of sarrow and confusion, the misguidedness of it all must hurt you, but theres nothing for me to do, but sit her and watch you dissapointment in me, and see every last shread of love and hope for me be toren from my bloody nuckels, i have no place here in the world of the living,for i died years ago, in the arms of my nightmares, hearing no voice from a savyor, i died befor i had begun to live, and now you see me for the rotting corpse i truly am, the dead the lives, or seems to, the torn soul whos just left to see how unfair it is, to watch the ineceants that was ripped from me, to see what others still have, but this is the truth.

-ED

Please do not post multiple topics, keep all of your work in the same topic, this thread will be merged with your other one.

i used to belive in god, but no saint could make some thing as filthy as you, to bad i dont belive in hell cause i want you to rot, and my tears are such a waste of time because you may never know I HATE YOU! to bad i dont belive in sin, because i want you to burn, but you'll never know true pain, and you will always be free, and you might allways have the piece of my soul, i cant belive in law, when crimanals run free, and the sad fact is i didnt care enough to scream, or run, or fight, my will for no went down the drain, when i saw you didnt care, when i saw my no ment nothing, it was just a word, and as you penatrated me i took my one last breath, because i knew you had taken my life, and my will to fight, you even had my will to end it all, but now i have something better, and i have a life, buy you might always have that piece of, sorry but im giving some one my whole, my intere unity, and i hope i never get it back, bacause all i want is him, not a meomorie of you and your sick sad twsited little game.

-ED

PLEASE SOME ONE COMMENT ON MY POEMS!!!! good or bad things i dont care.... i need to no!




mercy,mercy
were has the mercy gone?
the throught of the world under your blade
do you have any mercy to show?
or will you watch the blood spill on the floor
no remorce lines on your face
people are a pruduct of how they are raised
sufacting new borns under your rath
mercy no longer exists in your as
as with guilt
you feel nothing as you knife slides through the world
no pain in your eyes
you have no mercy on these virgins and sinless
you wash your hands clean
but you cant forwn out the screams
you kill the inacent
no mercy

I think you have the right idea, but your stuff needs a little more backbone and flavor. They don't need to rhyme at all for people to get into them, I just think you take a little more time on each one and really go deeper into them. I liked the little story thing tho, it was great. Try writing something longer. And maybe try writing something from a personal experience that has been very close to you. You will always get the best results. Just trying to help

:meow: -kat- :meow:

[SIZE=7] song of nothingness
[SIZE=1][COLOR=red][B]
i sing a sad song of nothingness
for that is all i am
i sing for the way i once was
i sing for the things i once had
now im left with nothing
but the comfurt of my pain
this balde is my only friend
it crys and bleeds with me
it hears my screams and knows my pain
my blood pours out in sarrow
for im lonley and im cold
no happiness to warm be
no true friends still reside
i sing my song of nothingness
for every thing is gone
i bleed away to nothingnes
with the comfurt of my pain
the hurting makes my no im still human
reminds me of mortality
this sad song of nothingness
is only heard by me
the structure of my life
crumbles away like sand
all i am i nothingness