im new here....

so, although im new..i hope you'll check out my poem and give me any comments....thanks.:)....



this poem is about a lonely vampire who seeks death to sooth his loneliness.



Your downcast eyes,
Luminous from your silken tears,
Those tears that fall,
Lost amongst the shadowing of the rain.
Your heart burns with desire,
A desire that mourns for the free world,
The free world you so long to know.
If you would mend this crying soul,
Then I shall know again what peace can be.
The weeping innocence of your yearning eyes
soothes my lonely heart,
Dare I say I wish to save your damned soul?
Darkness lingers,
An inevitable sorrow.
In the dim of the light,
Here you watch,
Here you wait.
The deathly quiet of the world creeps upon you.
Where are you angel?
Why do you not rescue me?
This black angel seeks my gaze.
Your ominous eyes,
Their very truth irritates me.
Might I take from your darkness?
Might I save this immortal soul?
Might I rescue a demon from the devil?
Do you think your soul worthy?
Perhaps you deserve your cursed fate.

in a tormentingly bittersweet kind of way...
...i say its beautiful !!!
I am touched.. keep it up ! :devilflip:

thanks so much...*blushes*...
i will do my best :imu: :)

An interesting story-like poem and you have a remarkable vocabulary which makes it all the better to read. Welcome to the forums and i will be back to see more of your future works

*continues blushing*...

thankyou so much...your welcome is most appreciated...

*smiles*..i have other poems.perhaps i will post them now....

and I as well will be watching you

ok.....this is jus about a vampire who takes a mortals life...quite basically...




Drops of scarlet,
A mortals eternal fear,
A chilling kiss of satin,
A taste of darkness.
My eternal slumber.
Sleep my fallen dreamer,
May angel's harps play for your weeping heart,
As my haunting spirit has corrupted your virginal soul.
Guardian of my last breath,
Your ghastly silken skin and fierce demonic eyes are etched into my heart.
Remember my kiss dear child,
May your broken mind remember my lips of poison.
You fed upon my lustful blood.
Born from darkness,
You walk within the veil of night,
To drink the pure of the unsuspecting.
And so,
My immortality has cursed me once more.
Now I shall wither, your sweet blood swimming through my veins.
My dark one,
Your silent eyes reflect the sorrowed blue of the velvet skies.
Beyond your dark heart,
I see the bitter reality in your despairing eyes.
You weep my dark prince.

Like a dark love song...
Again I am touched.
Do you have any more?

you flatter me...but thanks..

yes.:)...
-a lonely vampire....


Smile,
May you shatter these cold tears that fall.
A bitter face,
Stained with shadows,
Fierce eyes,
Watching,
Envious of the joyous souls that dance along.
Sunlight,
A sweet kiss to my broken skin,
Yet, my ultimate evil,
For darkness devours my soul,
And demons play upon my thoughts.
Crimson blood,
Watch it crawl.
The path of ill fate is yours.
Listen to the raging quiet of the world.
Grief is your companion.
Watch death drip from your scarred fingertips,
Smell the hatred that lingers in the sullen winds of night.
The harsh reality of this corrupted world descends upon you.
Forever alone.
Do not speak a word,
Just carry the unmendable shards of heart you bear.
Down this lone road you walk,
The echoes of your despair is heard,
These are the distant cries of sorrow the world now knows.
I haven't tears enough for my sadness.

You paint beautiful pictures and scenes with your words. Talent is truly being shown

wow....no one has ever said such amazing things about my poems...
thanks again...:)

yet another incredible work...
...almost makes me feel like going out on a search for vampire girls...
hehe...
ive got an idea...
to anyone else this may seem offensive, but i mean no harm.
BITE ME OH PLEASE BITE ME
LOL, sorry that was a little stupid... LOL
But its definantly funny right now :devilflip:

thanks..

LMAO.....hah! actually....i find random people to be very funny....such as yourself...:)

ahh well....heres another i jus made up....

A new born vampire, who wishes they were not so:



Take a single breath,
Breath in the still of the night.
A lonely tear,
A trace of beauty down your broken skin.

Bitterness courses through your veins,
That deadly smile, always lingering on your pale lips.

The evils of this world will always be known to you.

You feel nothing, you see no one.
A freak to this world.

Now through these shadowed streets you walk,
Holding to a hope,
Searching for a warmth you so took for granted in your mortal days.

Despair wraps its frozen hands around you,
All you feel is the sting of pain to your heart.

Now all you wish for is a release from the pain.

cool, people say that to me lots, im one of those random friendly people. :)
kinda like the feeling of losing a friendship that shouldn't have been lost.
Or being an outcast on your street and nobody liking you.
Ive never been an outcast on my street, but school is like...
...a living nightmare sometimes.
But both of the high schools I've been at a very different.

Oh Im sorry,
yet another deep and entertaining poem...
Again, I am touched by your poetry,
You are very good, would you like to make a poem together sometime?

Welcome to the forums I enjoy your work a lot, though it seems there is no diversity. Perhaps try writing at a different angle? I don't mean to be mean, just trying some constructive criticism.

Anyway, your first one was truly amazing.

I LOVED those lines! Great imagery and you give the reader an exact picture of what's going in the opening. Hard to do! You wove feeling into your words, also hard to do, and it was very worthy of reading.

These were my favorite lines from the second one. God you are really good at imagery! Not to mention describing metaphors.
The things you write about are captivating. Make me think about immortality a little more. You uncover such seemingly wonderful things for their true colors. Bravo! :cinema:

You had better listen to Shardsie's advice she is one of the best writers on the forums. I was thinking the same thing myself, this is a vampire forum but you do not have to write solely about vampires. However if that is the style you like and the one that suits you then by all means continue for your poetry is some of the greatest i've seen in a while. You should surf and look at some of the other works on the forum, you would be amazed at some of the talent, i know quite a few of my poems were inspired by reading the works of others here. Nice to see you growing some wings and i will be back to witness the sheer beauty of your next poem

~Sasha

:imu: :).....

hey, i can relate....i absolutely loathe school...i mean, i have friends n that..but the people at my school are all just morons...

*blushes*..thanks so much....everyone is so friendly and welcoming...


yeah:)....i'd luv to write a poem with u....

very cool, i cant wait

oh..no...i need critism....no poem or story is perfect...critism is well needed... :)

i do write other poems.i just thought that vampire poems were what suited...lol..

i will post others soon:)...

wow...thanku!!! ur compliments mean alot to me....
i never thought as my poems to be quite so amazing as you may title them.....yet im flattered:)....

nor can i...

:) i will....heh....i do write other poems...yet, as i said.just, vampire n vampires sorta thing....


everyone here is so nice...
i appreciate every comment, and am incredibly happy that others enjoy my work.:).....
thanks so much!!....

Nightmares:

Dreams of ash,
a burning rose.
Wake to the bright of dawn,
bind your ghouls to the depths of hell.
Lay to rest your troubled mind.
speak not of evil,
speak only of truth.


jus a short poem for the meantime.......but im working on a much longer poem about Life:).....

Hehe...we'll keep the comments coming if you keep the poems coming
LOL :cofpap:

:D.*continues writing*....

heh....


btw....uh....was that short poem odd?..:S....it was kinda impulsive, i wrote it just then........ :imu:

not odd...not at all

:).....

well..heres another poem...its about, well, me.....:)....
(btw, the first bit is bout my eyes, in case u were wondering) :imu:



'This is me'



Emerald pool of deception,
you seek to break me,
to burn my innocent heart.

Wash away the greed,
make my evils come clean.

Chipped happiness.
Please god,
re-paint my dreams.

Irreversible guilt,
you will haunt me tilll my horrors shrink away.

Scratch away the surface,
reveal the hidden light,
i know now my truth.

A bittersweet smile,
empty faces gazing,
hollow minds,
you do not see this bleeding heart.

As darkness falls,
I look within the depths of the midnight sky,
a gentle caress to my lost faith.

Unmendable scars,
you are my memories,
you stay stained upon my skin,
for all my dreams you envenom with your unforgiving touch.

Devious corruption,
you dishearten my rising desire to smile.
I succumb to your darkness,
now all i see are dancing demons.
I am forever blind.

Displeasing time,
you weaken my grace.
A fiend to all.
No Autumn will pass when you do not follow.
You bring me to my destruction.

Whispering solitude,
you are my only welcome,
forever i am yours.

*pools.....


i had to do that!!!! lol...

lol...nice

uhhh...ne critism bout the poem?..orrr..........

I thoroughly enjoyed each of your poems...it's like you see them, you know, inside your head as you read...that's what I felt anyway...

Goldie :meow:

:imu:...thanks!....
:).......u no, i do try and imagine what what i write....it helps me to know exactly how what things are connected to certain emotions....

'soul of sorrow'

Envious darkness,
you tortured my hope,
you sent demons to my name.

Phantoms of the night,
you take me to my doom.

Perilous world,
would you doubt my dying soul?

Silence,
my only comfort,
for within silence,
there lies peace.

Through my mind,
here blood will be spilt,
for all pain sinks deep within me.

Forever hidden,
not a soul will know me,
not a soul will see me.

Precious joy,
i yearn to hear the music you play,
what a wonder it must be.

The laughter of forgotten youth,
an alluring dream.

An endless path of descending angels.
My hour is near.

Horrid pain,
you will follow me to the end of my days.

Now a light grows,
a sparkle of brilliance before my eyes,
a shining light to break my darkness.

Our triumphant saviour.