Full Version: Deep Inside Me..
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I think I'll start keeping some of my stuff here. So I can get some feed back.
So here's the first I'd like to share. It has no title. I'm still figuring out what I should call it. Thanks for any feed back .. :
-----------------------by Deni ------------------------------------------------------
Senior Year 1996
From the first moment I saw him, he burned something deep inside me.
His blue eyes could penetrate my soul, his voice could fill me with lust.
During that moment I knew he had to be mine.
But, instead, I sat hiding, wanting, wishing.
He wrote: “You are one of my few friends maybe we’ll see each other again.
Remember ’A rabbit is a monkey in disguise.’”
That was it.
College 1999-2003
He was a distant memory now, or so I thought. We meet again.
Off in the distance, those blue eyes woke something that once lay asleep.
His voice tortures me. His stares hurt my soul.
He is so taboo. I belong to someone else.
How can he have this hold on me that grips me tightly everyday.
The fire within me is burning so strong,
I feel that I would not be able to control it.
If his touch is ever near my skin.
Present Day
I can’t let go.
I miss him.
I no longer feel his presence.
But, yet I hope in fact we never do “see each other again”.
-----------------------by Deni ------------------------------------------------------
Senior Year 1996
From the first moment I saw him, he burned something deep inside me.
His blue eyes could penetrate my soul, his voice could fill me with lust.
During that moment I knew he had to be mine.
But, instead, I sat hiding, wanting, wishing.
He wrote: “You are one of my few friends maybe we’ll see each other again.
Remember ’A rabbit is a monkey in disguise.’”
That was it.
College 1999-2003
He was a distant memory now, or so I thought. We meet again.
Off in the distance, those blue eyes woke something that once lay asleep.
His voice tortures me. His stares hurt my soul.
He is so taboo. I belong to someone else.
How can he have this hold on me that grips me tightly everyday.
The fire within me is burning so strong,
I feel that I would not be able to control it.
If his touch is ever near my skin.
Present Day
I can’t let go.
I miss him.
I no longer feel his presence.
But, yet I hope in fact we never do “see each other again”.
Hmm....diary entries are always interesting
in a story because it allows the reader to
become more intimate with the character.
It could also work as one of those really
abstract poems.
Interesting and lots of potential. Good
Luck with it. :)
~Sadie
QUOTE
Hmm....diary entries are always interesting
in a story because it allows the reader to
become more intimate with the character.
It could also work as one of those really
abstract poems.
Interesting and lots of potential. Good
Luck with it. :)
in a story because it allows the reader to
become more intimate with the character.
It could also work as one of those really
abstract poems.
Interesting and lots of potential. Good
Luck with it. :)
I agree with her! Keep it up and I cant wait to read more!
~Tiffanie~
I thought it was interesting and I would like to hear more. It kinda made me sad that you didn't end up with him though. -_- Ah, me! Always a hopeless romantic. 
Please come visit my post and let me know what you think, I would love to hear your opinions on some of my work! ^_^
Please come visit my post and let me know what you think, I would love to hear your opinions on some of my work! ^_^
Wow I like your stuff it is great I write about Heart ache alot too you should come visit my thread if you have some time "Poetry From a Boken Soul" I will be back too read more keep up the good job
Thanks a lot! :) .. It is deep heartache when I read that over and over or even think about him. I guess that's the stuff that makes good poems when it's over. . and you have the feelings to write down.
Oh I will enjoy reading yours ... I'll visit soon!
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